Up $7805 5/5 – 5/21 Part 8 - 5/18 thru 5/21 – I'm a slacker

Hi kids. Sorry for getting behind in the updates of this thing. I think I need to get more disciplined with taking notes on my sessions right after I'm finished with them. Not only can I write these entries out easier, it helps me to digest what happened a lot quicker. It's just way tough.. when I win, I want to party. When I lose I want to watch tv and mope. Neither is a good mood for writing. I think though when I go on trips it'd be a lot better to do this, as it would force me to stay on target, as drinking isn't quite conducive to playing well, for days in a row.

Anywho, let's summarize the last three games that I was planning to write in this series.

5/18 down $2665
Back in NY, Yamakazie game. Giggly Banker busts me twice. First when he flops a set of 4's, and I have KQ, making a pair of Q's. Next when I raise with AK, and he re-raises me all in with... Q3. Nice job donkey.

5/19 Up $485
Porn place. 2/5 Small game, no one wants to play here anymore it seems. Kind of a bummer, the new by the dude who kicked me out of his big game looks like it's taking all the action. I bust some kid trying to bluff me when I had a K high flush on a 3 suited board. Short, small, no mistakes.

5/20 Up $745
Porn place again. The 5/10 game they were supposed to have at 7:30 doesn't start until like 10. I play the whole night, down mostly. I get it all back and then some when my bottom two pair hold against the donkey/owner of the place who saw fit to put it all in on the turn with and up and down straight.

5/21 Up $2590
Yamakazie... I play literally 7 hands in about 6 hours, and am up about $3k. It's so stupid, the whole table is chiding me about playing so tight. So what do they do? Of course! They call me with any marginal hands whenever I make a raise. So, I bust a dude for a ton of money with a set of Aces, and a few other small pots. I go to a $300 tournament after that for some reason I thought would be a good idea to play in after playing for 8 hours.

Anyway, more discipline from here out, I promise. I've mnaged to get my ass beat down for like $4800 since this. Mostly bad beats, AA and KK getting cracked like once a session does not make for profits. Soon, more, yes, stay tuned.

Up $7805 5/5 – 5/21 Part 7 - The Zone, and how to get in it

5/14 Up $3245
I rule the school. I put the entire remaining bankroll on the table and win $1400 pretty quickly. Writing this a week later, I don't remember a single hand from the beginning part of this session, so I guess I had nothing difficult come up, and that I made no mistakes. I leave the casino and drive to San Diego to hang out with a rock band I'm friends with who were opening for Modest Mouse. Great time, great people, and I drive the two hours back from SD happy as a clam... As for the first time hanging out with them they're way happy about that things are finally going their way. I start thinking about gambling and my nature of a gambler, and after running this label, and putting $15k into a variety of cockamamie bands, it makes sense that it doesn't phase me to play poker for these stakes. Bukowski had a good quote: “not all of us are gamblers and those who aren't don't matter.” I'm starting to think of a gambler as anyone who has to rely on their own output for their income, artists, business owners, anyone not on salary.

Anyway, I come back to the casino, and put $2k on the table (no longer the whole bankroll..) There's this utter maniac on the table with like $10k in front of him at this point. Odd looking fellow, I can't figure out what his nationality is... White hair, well groomed beard, thin, somewhere in middle age, although I can't tell if he's 40 or 60, and has clear braces on his teeth. I see him playing quite a few hands, and winning them all on completely insane draws. The table is kind of going nuts, but most of them are decent enough players and know how to do the right thing. Which is be very vocal in reinforcing this behavior: telling him how amazing he is, how he can't miss... as opposed to “you suck, I will gut you, you lucky son of a bitch.” And it appears that he's dumb enough to actually believe this hype, and he keeps putting his money in so fucking bad and getting there. By the reaction of the table, and his stack, it looks like he's been running hot for a few hours. He's also very aggressive, and I am fortunate that he's sitting directly to my right.

Eventually I get QQ. Braces raises to $100, I make it $400. Folds around to Braces, who says “well, I have a big pair, so I have to call.” Flop = 88J. He checks, I give a speech of “well, if you have jacks, I guess you win. I'm all in.” And he turns his Jacks over and calls. Wow, that was so stupid of me, his speech should have let me know that he either has AA, KK, or JJ... The only only hand I'm beating is TT. But, who calls TT “a big pair?” I should have thought longer on this, but I was so psyched to get into a big pot with him with queens that I couldn't think of folding.

Well, so, I put the whole bankroll on the table again. And I just sit, and I'm really getting depressed here, thinking about how after winning earlier I'm down again, and the fact that my flight leaves the night. I'm counting my money and realizing that if I go home now I'm coming back with a $1k loss, and it cost me about $1k to get and stay here. It's really upsetting, but, I do my best to meditate, calm down, meditate, don't go on tilt, there are no cosmic forces aligning against me, there are only the forces of variance, and my own stupidity. And as I meditate, I look around and find that this table is amazing. Not only is Braces doing what he's been doing, and this young sunglasses punk at the other end of the table is also an aggressive donkey. Bluffing the shit out of everyone, he's up, he's down, he's as active as a cartoon, he's as loud as a drunk. This one hand is amazing.. Quiet Asian man on the left of me keeps betting into him with a Q high board and 2 clubs out there. He's taking his time, making pot sized bets that Punk keeps calling. The turn and river both blank, and Quiet Asian goes all in for like $3k. Punk has him covered, thinks for awhile, “you trying to bluff me? You miss your flush? You trying to bluff me???” Punk is getting really pissed off as Quiet Asian says nothing. Punk keeps going on about “you trying to bluff ME?” Asian says nothing. Punk calls... Asian mucks!! Punk has QJ!!!! one pair, J kicker!!! Punk stands up, pounds on the table, points at Asian's stack, and shouts “Gimme that money!! I knew you didn't have that flush!!! GIMMIE THAT MONEY!!!” Asian turns white, and leaves silently.

Eventually I flop a K high flush draw in late position on a T64 flop. SB bets $200, called by Financier. Financier seems to be a good player, I was talking to him about the business he owns, which provides small loans to individuals for cars and homes, nice guy, and a pretty good player from what I can see. I have like $1500 in front of me at this point,and I realize that the table is hyper aggressive now, and I know that any reasonable bet will be called probably by both of them. So I make an unreasonable bet, and go all in. SB folds, Financier is like “flush draw? Are you on a draw?” He shows AT, and folds. My side of the table is like “set of 4's or 6's?” I shrug and smile, and let them believe it, the other side of the table is sure I have a flush draw.

Next hand I have KQ. Flop = KXX, 2 spades. Braces bets, I call. Turn = Q of not spades. Braces bets again, I do my best to take some time with it, show some hesitation to hopefully draw him in. I eventually raise to $1k. He asks how much I have left, I have $600 left. He thinks for awhile, and puts me all in. I call quickly.. River = blank. Financier says “two pair is very good.” Nice read, I show, take the pot, now have $1600 profit from this part of the session. Braces says that he had spades, and figured that he should put the money in because if the last spade came then he wouldn't get called on the bet.. Hmm... let's look at the math here.. 4/1 to hit his flush. I think the pot is $800 before I go all in. So, yeah, this would have been good if he'd done it on the flop, where he'd be 2/1, but on the turn is really bad.

Anyway, I'm really wanting to play the entire night with Braces, because I know the $8k that he has left is fully in play on every hand. But, I'm a bit nervous at having $6k on the table, and I'm a bit tired. So I go home, happy with a nice win on the day.

5/15 Up $2390
When I get back the next day at like 3:00, Financier is still there from the night before! Unshaven, bleary eyes, he'd been playing for like 30 hours straight. When I'd left him last night he had somewhere around $2k in front of him, and he now has about $15k. Turns out that Braces threw away every dime he had on that table, and Financier managed to take a good bit of it a few hours after I left, and just went off to the races from there.

Ok, so $2k on the table. Sit for awhile, get good grounding, lose a few hundred on a couple reasonable calls, and have $1600 in front of me. I get QQ under the gun, make it $100, Financier and one other callers. Flop = T22, two clubs. Bet $300. Call, call. Turn = Blank. If I'd thought about it for a second I'd know I'm beat by at least one of these guys, but I don't think too hard, and make up some fantasy about how they either have a lone T, or are on clubs. So I go all in for the $1200 or so I have in front of me. Financier goes all in over the top of that. I don't even blink, I knew I was beat, and it's obvious now, I just get a wave of depression over me, and start to dig in my pocket for the rest of my money. It's obvious he has T's full. My agony is only prolonged as dude at the other end of the table is thinking and thinking, and eventually calls also... I was right, Financier has T's full, other dude has A222, I come in 3^rd when the river blanks.

I'm pissed again, just so fucking angry at myself that on the last day, like 5 hours until I have to drive directly to the airport that I would so something so fucking dumb. I might have been on tilt, but there was really no option but for me to keep playing at this point. And I do, and I force myself to get off tilt, and I do, and I get in the zone. And I mean the zone. I think terrifying thought of having to come back with little to no profit did it to me. To have to update this blog, and tell everyone how stupid I played did it to me.

• This guy who'd been playing with Financier since late last night, is way on tilt. Everyone is talking what a good player he is, and how odd it is to see him down so much. He'd been bluffing a lot, he's just bluffed me out of a small pot actually, so I felt ok to call his $100 with AT. Flop = XXT. I bet $200, he goes through a long hesitation, and goes all in for $800. The instant after the words “all in” are out of his mouth the word “call” is out of mine. He asks, “you called so quick. I guess you have a set.” “No set. Do I need one?” He's silent, turns his look towards the dealer putting out blanks. With a pensive and anxious look, he stares at me waiting, I say “I called you.” He turns to a depressed hangdog look, can't talk, and looks at the felt. So I show him the AT, to which he says “that's good.” He gets up from the table immediately. I can't help a satisfied smile. A Bobby Fisher quote crosses my mind, “I like the moment when I break a man's ego.”

• With a pair of 5's... The passive tight Asian with KK over my QQ from a few days ago calls this loose aggressive dude in early position. Flop = 567. Wow, set.. Somewhat dangerous board, but yeah, set, money is mine. Aggressive dude bets $250, and I'm thinking how I'll just call him and let him keep betting at me. But... Asian is thinking for long time, no expression, making me nervous. He raises to $600. Wow... I show my cards to no one, and fold instantly. As Asian is taking the pot in, I tell him I had a set of 5. He's like “really? I had set of 6's.” His reaction was so shocked, that I know that he wasn't putting me on. He kept asking why I folded, I mention the QQ/KK hand, and say “I don't mess around with you anymore.”

• I sit and do nothing for a long long while. With two black 4's, I call Financier's $80 with a few others in the pot. Flop = 88T. I check, Financier checks, everyone checks, check please! Heh, sorry... Turn = 3 (red). I think “wow, wouldn't that have been great if it were a red 4?” Then I think “well, why don't I just play like it was,” and check again. Financier bets $200. Folds around to me. I make it $500. He thinks for a long time and calls. River = blank. I think for a while, know that he's good enough to fold any hand without an 8. I take some breaths, and put out a $1200 bet, which isn't quite all in for me, but it might as well be. He thinks and thinks, shows me a T, and mucks.

  • A few hands later, he was like “you obviously had an 8.” I lie, “nope, two black 3's.”

• Sit for awhile, play tight, win some small hands, happy with the small profit. I'm about ready to leave, when I get 99 on the button. Limp pot, no reason to raise, so I limp too. Flop = 964. Early position dude, who'd just sat down raises to $100. Folded around to me. I take a lot of time. A whole lot of time, I think what would someone with 78 do here. I finally ask the dealer “how much is that?... ok, I call.” Turn = blank. I'm wondering if he's buying the straight draw. So, he bets again, $300 this time. I take some breaths, and take a really really long time here. Finally, I decide that someone with 78 would just call. River = 4, 9's full! Wheeee! He checks, which surprises me, but I know he doesn't have quad 4's from this. So I put him on exactly the hand he has. I think and think, and eventually put out $1500. Calls quickly, and immediately turns his 6's full over, saying “I have a boat.” “No good.” Show the 9's take the pot.

  • The whole table goes insane, Financier says “Excellently played. By both of you.” That was nice to hear, what was really nice to hear was the Mexican donkey who cracked me with T7 a few days ago say as a joke, “I knew exactly what you have. So, you never hurt me.” Then a few hands later, as my flush beat his set for a modest pot he says “you scare me today. I beat you all time before.”

I wish I could play this good all the time. I leave soon after, drive to the airport, and wish I were not leaving. Satisfied with the trip, but feeling that my small, $4700 profit was more of an escape from disaster, rather than a real success. I made too many mistakes, and I can't afford mistakes, in this business you need the money to weather the inevitable shit storms.

Up $7805 5/5 – 5/21 Part 6 - Perma-tilt

5/13 down $1220 (Commerce)
While still steamed from that last session if I've learned anything from my Jan/Feb AC disaster, it's that I need to sleep after taking an ass kicking. Which is a huge effort as I keep waking up anxious with weird dreams. And of course wanting to go and play. So I fight every urge to drive back I force myself to back to bed, and stay in bed until I doze enough to get in a full eight hours. I finally feel that I can play around three, so I fight through stupid traffic that takes me like an hour to drive ten miles. Get there, take out the entire $3500 and change I have left in my player's account which really looks like nothing when they give it to you in three $1k chips and a few hundreds.

When I first sit down the cards are with me, and even though I'm sitting at the same table, in the same seat as the night before, still thinking about it... it doesn't matter when I flop a set of Ten's vs some kid's AA (or KK, he didn't show) and he goes all in. I take a few more pots and within like an hour I'm up $3k. But I'm still on stupid tilt, thinking about the session yesterday, and start bluffing, and trying to steal every damn pot, as it doesn't feel like I'm up $3k, but rather that I'm now down $1k. And so, a couple hours later I'm only up $2k. At which point, I kind of knew that I should leave, know how good booking a decent “W” will be for me. But, I'm only in town for a few days...

I get QQ under the gun. Raise to $80, this tight, passive, middle aged Asian calls. I'd been making these fun $20 prop bets with him about stupid shit... red/black, if we'd actually pay the collection pot, high/low on first card on the flop, it was fun and we were laughing a lot between hands we weren't playing. Anyway, he calls. Then the button raises to $180. The button is pretty aggressive, and I'm pretty sure he's just taking a shot at the pot, so after some thought, I raise to $400, and then the Tight Asian goes all in for $1500! Well, wow. Button folds. I'm looking at him, with a “hey, we're buddies” expression. He says nothing. I'm wondering if he has AK, or maybe even JJ. He finally says “I have a big hand.” I say “Yeah, I have a big hand too.” He says nothing more and looks down with a somewhat glum look. I think for probably too long, put him on, I don't know what I put him on... I call. He has KK. Board is no help for me, and 90% of profits are gone. Should I have folded? Yes, without question this was a huge mistake... His glum look wasn't because he was sad that I had a big hand, but that he was going to take money from someone who he liked. As he's taking the pot in, he says “I told you I had a big hand.”

Ok, so from $3k of instant profit, I'm only up a few hundred. The table was tight, and bluffing should have been profitable, but I think I kept running into guys with decent hands, or maybe they were good and started paying attention to me, and were playing back at my aggressions? I don't know. Anyway, I bluff away another $1k and am now down for the trip for the first time, with only $2500 left, all of which I've got on the table. At this point.

The rest of the evening is up and down. Late at night, there's an amazing donkey who puts about $10k into the game in $2k increments. He can't fold anything, will call with middle pairs, or any draw. Unfortunately, I'm unable to get into a big hand with him and I have to sit back and watch as the other good players at the table dismantle him. The table breaks when he's busted, it's 4AM, and it's time for me to sleep.

Up $7805 5/5 – 5/21 Part 5 - Horror show

5/12 down $4000
I get this hand in the first five minutes of play. I have 55... Flop = 569. I bet, he raises, I re-raise, he insta-all in's. The only hand I'm beating is two pair. If he has a straight, it's not bad EV for me, but, to be honest I didn't even think long enough to figure out if I'd be getting positive value on calling against a straight. No, in fact, I didn't think at all, insta-call and say “I call, I have a set,” thinking he'd be cowed. But he says nothing and turns over his 9's. So, I'm drawing to the last 5 in the deck which doesn't come. Well... nice.. nice...

So, I'm down $2k in about five minutes. Put the next $2k on the table. The must move to the main game comes soon after, where I'm sitting next to this fat 40 year old mother, who isn't too horrible of a player, but constantly talking. I might have found her material acting to me charming during a winning session. She asks “are you a pro?” I guess the constant, and somewhat advanced chip tricks I do give me away, or maybe it's my demeanor in general. I've been answering this question lately with some bullshit line about how “I'm a computer programmer, but usually make more when playing poker,” as I used to actually program for a living I can bs about it with anyone. Anyway, the table is rather passive, there's maybe one aggressive player on it. It's mostly people who are bad at math and have skewed ideas of risk/reward. This unaggressivness and people calling with too many hands makes it very profitable to take a lot of shots at little pots on the flop. So, as long as I don't do it too often, I can take pots for like one 50% of the pot sized bet on the flop. And so I work and work, and inch my way back to being only down $500 or so after maybe two or three hours... Then then.. wow..

• 88.. flop a set with 2 clubs out there. Three people in the hand. Bet the flop, all players call. Bet the blanked turn, all players call again!! So going to the river it's a $2k pot. And the river of course brings the third club to an unpaired board. I check to a tight, older Asian man, who takes out a big handful of hundreds and carefully counts out thirteen of them. The dealer, then counts them out again and lays them out on the table in that neat way that dealers have of doing. Every bone of my body knows he's got the flush, but I'm so pissed that he retardedly called pot sized bets on every street, and got there anyway, and man, does that cash look good. I think for a minute, look at my cards, take a couple of breaths. He casually moves from being hunched over the table and looking at me to leaning back and to take a few spoonfuls of the soup he has behind him. I know that he has it, I mean, I know he has it. But, I can't stop being pissed at that card. And so I come up with this stupidity... the reason that he's acting so casually now is because he must be bluffing he has it. Yes! It must be! What a good read I just put on him!!! So I call, and yes, of course, he has it. As the chips are being pushed to him Mother starts telling me how I should have shown him my set and folded. About how “he's going to keep drawing out until you teach him a lesson.” I was steaming before, and I'm just kind of going nutty from her lecture, and feeling so bad about wasting the past two hours of work to just blow it on this stupid fucking call.

• Still steaming, trying to calm down, meditate... literally two hands later I'm in the BB, where I have T7. I flop the nuts on a 689 board. I check, and the four guys in front of me check too. Turn = 5, so I still have the nuts. I make a pot sized bet of $100. Which is raised to $300, and then again to $900!!! Wow. There's two to a flush, there's no pair, and I still have the nuts. I've got like $1200 left in front of me which I shove in, and get called in by both raisers!!! Wow... I want to puke when the river is another 5.. but neither guy has a set, and both guys show a lone 7 for the 2^nd nut straight!!

  Wow.. ok, so, I'm feeling better for the 10 seconds it takes me to take the pot in. Until I start thinking about how folding the river on the 88 hand would put another $3600 in my stack now, as both these donkeys had me covered, and neither could have folded their straights for a million dollars. I count my stack and realize I'm right back to where I was before the 88 hand of being down $500, and think that I'd have $3k of profit now if I'd folded. And then Mother starts saying pretty much what I'm thinking about the $3600 that I'd really like to have.... “You know if you'd folded the river...” Yes, yes, you stupid fucking cow, I fucking know. I nod, I say nothing to her. I sit and I steam, and I think about how that call $1300 call turned out to be a $3600 mistake.

• Next orbit, in my small blind I have 53, pot is limped, I call the $10. Flop = 46T, rainbow. It's checked around to the only guy who seems to have any level of aggression at the table, who puts out a pot sized $100 from the cutoff seat. Mother calls from the button, I call, and the Asian who beat my set of 8's calls too. Turn = 7!! Hey, I have the 2^nd nuts, and 58 is so unlikely at this point that I'm pretty sure I'm winning. So, I bet $800. Mother, says “did that make your straight?” Which is unbelievably shitty of her to say, as there's two other players in the hand and the action isn't even to her. In thinking about it now, I should have called the floor over and at least gotten her kicked off the table. That comment really was utter bullshit, and I'm getting pissed just thinking about it. But I say nothing, as I'm so shocked. So, Asian folds, Aggressive Guy calls, and Mother looks at her cards, and is like “well, I guess I have to call now.” Ok, so gigantic pot, and the river brings another 6, and I unleash a fire-hose-strength stream of projectile vomit over the entire table, and check. Aggressive Dude goes all in. And mother thinks and thinks, keeps going on about “what do you have? Hmm, what do you have???” And calls. I roll my eyes, and muck the straight face up. Mother, has T's full of 6' (so 2 pair until the river), Aggressive Dude flopped a set of 4's and now has 4's full. As Mother is taking the pot in, she goes on explaining how “after you both put all that money in the pot I had to call.” Let's see.. she has 4 outs on the river, and let's even say that she knows that I have a straight and we eliminate those cards from the denominator makes it 4/44 = about a 10 to 1 shot for her to boat up on the river. So, she needs to be making $8k to make that call on the turn right. She made a little under $4k on the call.

  So, I feel good about the way I played the hand, but of course when I start to count my stack and am $900 poorer, it's not a good feeling, but, at least I know I'm played it well, and which always feels good eventually. But I'm still steaming. I mean, how can anyone not steam after this progression?

• But, then.. wow.. this is the best one... I get AQ a few hands later, so I'm in later position. Bet out $80. This very tight, older Mexican at the end of the table calls. Flop = Q89. He checks, I bet $100, call. Turn = T, check, bet $150, call. River = 6. He checks, check, hold my cards up, and when it takes him a second to declare what he has, I start extending my arms to take the chips in. Then he's says, in his broken English, “I have straight!” And shows T7 of hearts. Nice.

  The fucking thing about this is that dude hadn't played a hand for like an hour, and then decides to play his T7 for $80 against me? As he's raking the pot in, I say nothing, he says “I don' usually play thos' card. But, I have feeling dis han'.”

So, yeah, if I wasn't steaming before, I now feel like smashing every player's head in with a sledge hammer. I want to throw a grenade under the table, I want to burn their houses down, I want to rape their mothers. I get up and walk around. Walk outside, check my email on my phone. Look at the desert night sky, think about variance, and wonder if I can play more.

When I get back to the table, I sit and meditate. I do my best to not do anything stupid. Mother sees the look of being pissed on my face and doesn't say anything to me for awhile. She pays my time the next half, which I'm still trying to figure out if it was a gesture of compassion, or if it was just to entice me to stay at the table and throw away the $1500 I still had in front of me. I don't play another hand for almost an entire hour. I don't say a single word during this time either. I just sit and meditate.

In the games I play back home there is a posse of tight tight asses who have this complete gloom and doom mentality. They'll sit and not play a hand for a half hour, get a big hand, play it, lose to some donkey playing something completely retarded. During the half hour until they play another hand they'll complain incessantly about what horrible luck they always always have, and how it's impossible to beat rich donkeys because they'll always suck out on you. If their next hand goes the same way, they'll take this as more proof that there are cosmic forces at work against them and go on super-tilt, and wind up throwing away all the money they have in their pocket. Whenever they see me winning (60% !!!) they constantly go on about how I'm the luckiest man they know. Yeah, yeah, well... no, no... First of all, I can actually do the math where most of them can't, which gives me a huge advantage. But, second of all, cards, or any random systems, are like the universe, in that it looks the same from anywhere, from any direction you look at it from.. or from any seat you're sitting at... The random system of numbers and variance are the same for everyone, and in the long run it will pretty much always work out. And the long run is only about sixteen hours, (take note scientists... I've done the required research on this figure, and you can now use "the long run" as a unit of measurement). I am not lucky, I just do my best to not steam, to be happy with dudes calling me with bad T7. Obviously, it sucks when they win, but them winning hands like that are what keeps them coming back. And yeah, when you're losing it's is often impossible to keep this perspective. But, after learning the basics, it's what separates good players, from consistent winners... I'm getting better at it.

Eventually I get J3 in the BB. The hand is straddled, with like 3 limpers, in front of me, so I call the $20, straddler checks. Flop = AJ3. Check, one limper bets $200, cut off seat calls. I go all in. I have like $1500, am pretty sure my two pair is ahead, but it's bottom two, and I'm just fine taking the $600 pot. Folds around to cut off caller. Who hemms and haws, and then calls. He has AJ for top 2. I'm dead to a 3, which doesn't come. Wow. Well... just wow. I shake my head, shrug to the table, say “I guess it's not my night,” and leave.

It is a long ride home. I keep thinking how it's absurd that I'm still up $200 for the trip, and that I played pretty well. But it is of little consolation. I take two Benadryls and drink a bunch of beer to make sure that I fall asleep quickly

Up $7805 5/5 – 5/21 Part 4... The Arizona Bay

5/10 Up $1775 (Commerce)
Nice start to the trip, of me missing my flight by like 10 minutes, and arguing with the manager and clerk to not charge me $500 to change my ticket. I learned something though.. that if you ever miss a flight, tell them that there was an accident that delayed you from getting to the airport. The conversation went something like this..
Manager: “Why were you late?”
Me: “Uh, the train was running late.”
“Oh...”
“Wait, why did you ask me that? What does it matter?”
“Well, if there was an accident, we could change your ticket.”
“Ok, then, there was an accident.”
“I don't believe you”

So he walks away, and I take everyone's name down, refuse to leave and insisting for a good ten minutes that there was indeed an accident until they change my flight for a charge of $25.

Anyway, despite my awesome power of persuasion I am still stuck in an airport for five hours until the next flight. Niiiice. Fortunately I thought to download some tv the night before. Heroes is particularly good back to back to back to back.... When I finally get to The Arizona Bay, it's late, and I'm tired, and I don't want to do anything. So, I hang out in the dumpy-ass hotel I'm staying at in El Segundo. Yeah, yeah, bad choice... but a room is a room, and I'm only there to sleep and unwind, and I got a deal on it from Travelocity, and maybe I can find Q-Tip's wallet. Next day I get up, and hang out with a friend, and get a good workout at Wild Card Boxing, which is Freddie Roach's place. I'm way surprised to find it's a small, unpretentious, not even air conditioned, kind of a dump. But it is where tons of great boxers have gone. It also only costs me five bucks to workout there for the day. And it's pretty rad to meet Freddie who is pretty cool to me. The friend of a friend who brought me there tells him that I'm in LA to play poker, and he just thinks that's amazing and wants to shoot the shit about it, going on about how they had a card game at his house once and how bad Manny Pacquiao is. Heh. Anyway, nice work out, shower, hang out with my friend for a little while longer, and I'm ready to play.

It's the same amazing donkey convention as last time. I don't remember much of this session, as I played pretty near perfect with only one difficult hand. It's always a shock when I start playing in a casino.. that most people will actually fold a KT for four times the big blind, so bluffing becomes profitable.

My one mistake of the session comes at the end when I make a stupid call with a J high flush on a 4 suited board, vs someone's Q high flush. I lose like $1k on that hand. It's late, I feel the hand starting to tilt me, so I leave soon after with the profit.

5/11 Up $2560 (Commerce)
Get up sometime in the afternoon, eat some shitty breakfast at the disgusting diner in my hotel. Like, how hard is it to make decent eggs?

I start the session with my usual stupidity of throwing away my first $2k buy in. Bluffing, mostly. But, it's good advertising as people see me playing a good number of hands aggressively, and it allows me to double up my second buy in via a set of King's.

My star play of the day is vs this aggressive Phil Ivey looking kid. Same lighter black skin, wearing a basketball jersey, early 20's. He's pretty aggressive against everyone, re-raising and bluffing on the flop a lot, and playing a ton of hands. I wind up folding top pair to him an hour earlier. I get KJ eventually, and limp into a pot with him and a few others. Flop = JTX, 2 diamonds. I bet $80, size of the pot, he raises to $200. I think for a second and go all in for the $1500 more he has in front of him. He thinks for awhile, looks up, says “I have a lot of gamble, I call.” Turn = J, river = blank. He doesn't show his hand.. but wow... the only hand that he could have that's not beating me that would be the right odds to call would be a straight and flush draw (so, KQ, Q9, 98, all of diamonds..).

The rest of the session is of a blur of good play. Against all the prototype insane Asians, dudes just waiting for AA or KK, and other people who have a variety of stupid playing styles and little idea of what they're doing. I open a “Player's Bank” account at the casino so I don't have to walk around with $9k on me.

Up $7805 5/5 – 5/21 Part 3... build a bankroll...

5/6 down $720
I'm more embarrassed of this session than any I've had during the course of this blog. It's the horrible mentality that constantly being in a gambling environment can bring... wanting to put my money in just to see where the cards fall. If I were in a casino I'd be playing craps. It's masochistic, it's stupid. There is a good speech in a bad Al Pacino movie which goes like this...
“When we lose, and I'm talking about the kind of loss that makes your asshole pucker to the size of a decimal point - you know what I mean - You've just recreated the worst possible nightmare this side of malignant cancer, for the twentieth goddamn time; and you're standing there and you suddenly realize. Hey, I'm still here. I'm still breathing. I'm still alive. Us lemons, we fuck shit up all the time on purpose. Because we constantly need to remind ourselves we're alive. Gambling's not your problem. It's this fucked up need to feel something. To convince yourself you exist. That's the problem.”

And so, I wind up looking at my opponents, who are by and large degenerate gamblers, sports bettors, blackjack, craps... And often times, when I'm lazy, when I have been winning too much, when I am distracted, when I am not concentrating, I can not resist the urge to gamble with them... as opposed to the patient and slow moil of getting the money in good as often as you can... I mentioned this in an earlier post, and then decided that it was bullshit and my problems were entirely sleep related, but, I'm starting to think that my initial thought was correct. While sleep is probably the biggest factor, I'm thinking now that maybe this gambling vs winning duality is something deep within me, that I must constantly be in control of.

So.. the session goes like this... I get to the 5/10 game at the porn place. It's got my favorite Crazy Asian, and a bunch of others who aren't very good either. In fact there is only one player at the table who I'd even call remotely competent. And I get up $2k very quickly, that I take mostly off Crazy when my K9 turns two pair, vs what I guess was his AK. Then, over the next two hours I just start blowing the whole fucking thing. I get aggressive against Crazy, and it just doesn't work. In two years I've never been able to bluff him out of any hand, so why should I be able to do it now? But I keep throwing my money around because I'm in a losing mood. I have no big hands, but just whittle the entire profit away on one medium sized bluff after the next.

It comes to the end of the night, and I've gone from the $2k of profit, to $300 of profit. Crazy has left about an hour ago with $4k of profit or so. And I'm thinking about LA, wondering what I'm going to do for a bankroll, and I'm pissed as hell about everything... Last hand of the night I have Q4 of diamonds. Dude to my left stands up from the table as the cards are being dealt, I limp, he goes all in without looking at his cards for like $600. He gives a speech of something like “fuck it, I'm down so much, let's gamble.” Everyone folds.. and I'm feeling so shitty, and thinking some bullshit logic... if I go home with $300 profit, I will have to call this session a tie, but if I take his stack, I can mark it down as a win!! Of course I don't entertain the possibility that I have a below average hand and am probably behind. So I call. He has AK of diamonds.... wow.. I know it was authentically blind, as I watched him get up from his seat. So I lose that hand.. then game breaks, but the dude I just doubled up is all like “let's all put in $100 and just run the cards out.” To which I'm so fucked up, I'm like “ok great, let's get some of my money back.” And of course, I lose another $400 on not winning a single one. Until I finally come to my senses and force myself to walk out feeling like a complete douche. I almost start screaming at myself on the street because I feel like such a fucking idiot. But, yeah... I did convince myself that I exist.

5/7 Up $4130
Ok, so five game losing streak. No good. I recently went through my entire spreadsheet and figured out my winning percentage. I've determined that I've won 60% of my last 100 games. Which isn't nearly as good as I thought as I was doing, but it's great to be able to clarify how retarded a five game losing streak for me is.. as someone who wins 60% of the time should only lose 5 in a row 1.02% of the time.. or one five game losing streak in every 485 games. On the other hand I should win five in a row 7.78% of the time, or 1 winning streak in every 59 games. It's as likely for a 60% winner to win 9 games in a row as it is to lose 5 games in a row. I've never had a nine game winning streak.

So, I get down on myself about it. Obsessive about it. Trouble sleeping over it. I take a bunch of Benadryl and am able to doze off for a solid eight hours before the next 5/10 game. And I get to the game in the rare form of already being pissed at myself, without having to throw away a thousand bucks first.

And I am 1. Hit in the face with the deck, 2. play 100% perfect, and 3. no one can fold any hand and pay me off on everything. I get 3 sets, get paid huge on each of them, straight, flush, AA, etc etc...

However, my best hand is one that I lost... I limp with four others with KQ to a flop of KK2. Everyone checks, I check in middle position, hoping that either someone in late position will take a shot at it now, or maybe someone else will on the turn. On a blanked turn, this tight-assed, quiet dude in the big blind makes a pot-sized bet of $60. I've played with him a few times before, and I got the impression that he's never made a bluff in his life. I call, everyone else folds. River is also a blank, where he bets $100. I think for a little and just call again. And he has 2's full of Kings! I do a nice fist pump and big nod to myself I'm so psyched. I show my cards to the table and say something like “Wow, I'm fucking awesome!” I wish I'd remembered Hellmuth's “I can dodge bullets” quote.

Anyway, that's the only cooler I had the whole night, the rest of the time are just huge hands that are obviously ahead... My biggest problem is trying to get other people to put all their money in. Which is a piece of cake at this game.

So, yeah, huge relief... Bankroll is set for LA....

Up $7805 5/5 – 5/21 Part 2... 5/5 down $1510

I decide to get a three day tune up playing in the little games around town before going to LA. So I go to this gross club that I don't like very much. The biggest game they have is a 2/5 game, with pretty intolerable people for the most part: the young poker superstars, the crotchety old men, the frat-boy-business assholes who try to push the table around with a huge bankroll. The worst part of course is that all of these people perpetually discuss their supreme thought processes after any hand they've won... “I so knew you had that...” “I had to draw to my hand because I had the pot odds.” Of course their constancy of putting people on hands is marginal at best, and of course they would never be able to explain mathematically what it means to have positive pot odds, the closest they can get to that is “it was a big pot...” And usually it's not even that, it's “I had so many outs.” So, the major flaw at this level of play is the fundamental one of simply having no clue about the mathematics of the game. The risk/reward factor is also very skewed, while they aren't as proactive gamblers as the Yamakazi game, they'll make far more stupid calls than stupid raises... calling anything up to $50 with any suited or connected cards.

Anyway, I played this one pretty good for the most part. The first buy in, I sit for a long long time, and hardly play a hand. Get up about $100, down $50, up $100. After about three hours I'm about even. This kid to my right, is making these huge swings of being up like $2k, to being down $500. He's making some of the most insane, dumbest calls I've seen, wants to gamble with anything. So, I have AQ one hand. Flop = K7X. Bet $100. Call. Turn = X, bet $200 call. River = X, all in for maybe $300 more.. insta call.. he has J7!! Wow, ok, nice read by me, but, how stupid was I to think that he would fold anything? Yes, pretty stupid, but I was somewhat frustrated from not playing anything for like three hours, and couldn't help but bluffing off the last few hundred. I just say “nice hand,” and get up and walk around. This is my problem playing in smaller games, that I often can't help myself with hands like this, and to bluff away five hundred I can do in the blink of an eye these days. If I'd taken more than two seconds to think about it, I'd of course have realized that there was no chance he'd fold any pair, and I'd have slowed down.... Next one, I blow when I have JJ, same guy and Aggressive Donkey call for $50. board comes QXX, I bet. He calls, Aggressive Donkey folds. Turn = Q. I go all in, he calls, and he of course he called my $50 pre flop with Q7 off suit. Nice. I don't think I played this one bad, as he could have had any pair, and I really did think my jacks were good when I made the bet.

I'm somewhat on tilt from this, and I wind up making a way bad fold a few hands later with A2 on an AAK, 9, J board. I fold to this pretty tight player's $300 bet on the river, there were two other people in the hand, and I figured he at least had a straight, if not at least an A with a kicker that played. He had A4. When I see his cards, I let out kind of a scream. I jump up from the table, and walk around.

Ok, so it's obvious I'm steaming at this point. But, I have learned to calm down and play through this kind of thing. I start meditating at the table, which I've been doing a lot these days, breathing deeply, going through the alphabet, staring at a speck of dust. Through this I'm able to calm down and focus on the game. And knowing that the rest of the table thinks you're on tilt can of course be a huge advantage when you have a big hand... Which I get pretty soon after in the form of two red Kings. I bet $50, the Aggressive Donkey from the JJ hand, and a young tight poker super star dick-head calls. Flop = KQT, all clubs. Yay, set of kings, all clubs doesn't look so good, but what are the odds that one of these guys has a club flush? 70-1 to flop a flush with 2 suited cards, and what are the odds that their 2 suited cards that happen to be clubs??? I check, donk bets $125, dick-head thinks for awhile, calls. I go all in. Donk goes all in over the top. Dick-head folds. Donk of course has 94 of clubs, which he thought was just awesome for $50 pre flop, in a 2/5 game... Wow, ok. He refuses business, the board doesn't pair, I'm down $2000, in a 2/5 game. Wow.

Well, ok, it's getting late, but I'm actually rather pleased with my play at this point, as I know I just got a bit unlucky. Just a few hands that didn't go my way, that is the nature of variance.

So, I leave get $700 out of the ATM, and go to the game with the porn on. They're kind of empty and thinking about closing at this point. But they have a few players left for the 2/5 game, and when I show up, a few of them decide to stay and play some more. I put $500 on the table. I lose a couple small hands when I first sit down. Then I get AJ of hearts. Bet $35. Two callers. Flop = 226, two hearts. Bet $125, one caller. Turn = J. Rad, I've got like $250 or so at this point, so with $160 in the pot, I go all in, figuring that I either have the best hand or at least the flush outs. Dude insta calls with, 6's full. Niiice... Wow, sometimes the cards just make you look like an idiot.

So, I'm down $2500 at this point. I've got $200 left, and I put it on the table. Which I whittle down to $125. Ok, meditate more, try to relax. So, I get QT, go all in on a J9X board, and turn the K for a double up. Sexy, keep meditating. Get AA, same dude I just doubled through puts me all in on a board of unconnected shit. I call, he doesn't show. Even more sexy, keep meditating. Then I just keep beating up on this same dude. He's loose and way aggressive, and it feels really good to be able to bluff him out of a few small pots. Towards the end of the night I get 34, which turns out to be the the nuts of a 2-6 straight. He calls another all in from me with two pairs. Nice, now I'm only down $1500 on the night. It's way late, and the game breaks pretty soon after this hand.

Well, not the results I wanted, especially while trying to build a bankroll for LA, but I'm was pleased with my play overall, and very pleased that I was able to win the thousand back at the end of the night.