I have no one to blame but myself. I have endured a few untimely bad beats, but, I have reacted to them rather poorly. They've stuck with me, not let me sleep, causing me to tilt for weeks sometimes. I brush them off in conversation, but I don't really come to terms with them. And then at the table, I will play amazing for the first part of the session, eventually count my stack, and then start drifting off to what I have in the bankroll, to what I have in the bank, to the level of money that I would have if that fucking card hadn't come. And, invariably, instead of playing 100%, I'm just trying my damnedest to get the money back, and make things right. And invariably, that is when I play dumb, and lose.
And yeah, I'm an idiot, I think for not writing in here. When I use this space, it stops the bad thoughts from perpetuating and taking root, it allows me to keep a perspective on the situation, look at it from all angels, compartmentalize it, figure it out, learn from it (or rationalize that there's nothing to be learned), and go back to playing well. Also, I've been getting a few comments from completely unexpected people asking when I'm going to go back to writing this thing, and I'm finding that having people, even if it's only ten, who have this loaded up in their news reader, and are psyched to see a new post, is really something nice. So, yeah, thanks.
Anyway, I have been breaking my cardinal rules that have kept me profitable for so long. I feel I should reiterate them here.
8 hours, 8 hours, 8 fucking hours. When you play more, you play bad. And if you play more than 10, you can't play the next day.
I need to put the dudes I see playing great for two days with no break out of my mind. It's simply not something my brain can do. I am not Phil Ivey, Gus Hansen, or David Benyamin, I need to come to terms with this, or it's going to destroy me.
Exercise, eat well, sleep
I've been to the gym like twice in the past three weeks. Eating fat and sugar. Having unrestful and anxious dreams. Here's a good one... I am playing at the Commerce, and I keep forgetting what my hole cards are, and I turn them over, expecting to take the pot, and they're completely different cards.
Write, and write and write more.
I get somewhat depressed from playing poker for extended periods. It's a strange heavy feeling, and when I sit down to write, even this blog, and especially the various other artistic things I'm working on, it really relaxes me and gives me this kind of deep calmness that is so good for poker, and for my brain in general. I'd like to consider myself a writer first, and when I don't write, I really feel like an asshole.
Be honest with yourself at the table.
Something Greenstein's said in his book, about when you play bad, get up from the table, and ask yourself if you can play good. Sit down, and then if you don't play good, leave. It's so hard though, because I rationalize when I'm at the table... I know I'm doing stupid shit, but I put it into my head that I'm just going to stop bluffing, or that I'm going to do this or that. But, then I never stop bluffing. I just react a lot of the time to things, and before I've thought things through, I've done it.... I perceive someone to be weak, and I make a bet at them, I think I'm ahead with a marginal hand and I call. When I'm playing well, is when things are on, this is usually in the first 8 hours of play, and then after that I am completely off, I can't perceive anything, I don't have the energy to bluff back at someone, intelligently, without just throwing all my chips into the pot from frustration.
Ok, sorry to be a bit mopey. I'm feeling a bit mopey.
No comments:
Post a Comment