-$2,800 + $2,520 + $525 + $405 + $975 = up $1625

Hi kids. I'm somewhat recovered. Not monetarily, but more so in the feeling of that I don't want to murder people. As I typed this, I listen to Behemoth. feel free to sing along. .

Here is a funny:
me: it's like 9% humidity here every day
my boogers are so dry
I have no simile with enough wit to match the dryness of my boogers
Steve: you just need Like or As
dry as the twat of a 4-day dead bitch on Santa Monica freeway

Anyway, so. About two weeks after I get my ass capped I go back and blow another $2800 on the 10/20 game. Ran bad, played bad. I get more depressed, but a ton of friends come into town, who either don't let me pay for stuff, or who I wine at enough that I don't pay for stuff. I feel better. My girlfriend comes and visits, and I feel more better. During this time I play two sessions at the 5/10 $400 mandatory buy in game at Commerce with a friend and girlfriend. First one I crush for $2520 in 4 hours. Next one I play 2 hours win $525. Because I'm with people I don't get to stay as long as I'd like to. But, wow this game is insane. There's less money to be made here, it's far less variance. It is remedial poker, and I'm just feeling that there is no way that I can lose without getting sucked out. Here's a good example. I have AK in early position, under the gun limps. I raise to $65, 2 callers, UTG goes all in for $400 more. I think for awhile. There's $260 in the pot, and $400 more to call. I can't put him on AA or KK, simply because he's not good enough to not get excited by that hand and put out a big raise. So, I call. I am rather surprised when I win the hand with no pair, vs what he'd later say was AJ. But, after the hand he was like “how could you call??!! You thought you were behind! You thought I had a pair!” I tried explaining to him that yes, I thought he had a pair, and I thought I was 47% to win the hand, but $400 to win $660 on 47% is a great gamble. He couldn't get it, he kept going “You thought you were behind!!!!!” I just smile and laugh.

I am also finding that I'm enjoying being a complete asshole in this game, it is also profitable... “Sir. How long do you plan on playing today?” “Umm, I think another seven hours.” “Oh! Great! That gives me plenty of time for me to wipe that smug grin off your stupid fucking face.”... “Yeah buddy, keep getting those chips. You almost have enough to double me up.” People just get so thrown off their game, so tilted. I can make loose players turn tight, tight players turn loose, people who can read well lose that ability, people who have no tells become more obvious. I guess it's something people do a lot in NY, and that the politeness of LA people don't do at all.

Here's another good hand. I flop trip Jacks vs this very aggressive maniac who had like $1500 on the table. I keep calling his bets, trying to look weak. On the rive he checks, and as I'm thinking about what size bet to put out, he does something right out of Caro's Book of Tells, and pushes $200 towards the pot and says “whatever you bet I call!” So I know that my trips are good, and I push all in for $400 or so. Anyway, he start pulling his bet back, which was ok with me, I didn't expect him to call... but, a dude sitting next to him starts spazzing out. “You can't do that! You said you were going to call! You put your money in the pot!!!” I was so shocked that dude was getting involved in a hand he wasn't even in that I didn't react quickly when he called the floor over. I should have told the floor that it was ok, that there was no problem, but I was really thrown off by dude getting involved in my hand, and I just sheepishly explained to the floor what'd happened. The floor ruled that he had to leave the $200 in the pot, to which the dude started spazzing out. I told him to just give me $100 and call it even, to which he did happily. As the cards were being dealt for the next hand, I felt shitty about it and gave him the $100 back. But, dude who called floor was still going on about how dude had committed a foul. And I completely snapped at him. Something like “you don't get involved in my fucking pots. I am very capable of calling floor myself.” He tried to defend himself about how I'd agreed with him at first. Then I realized that I could put him on complete tilt if I just let him really have it, and so I got really vicious and cursed him out until other dudes at the table started got started taking sides. I ended the conversation with a wave of my hands and something like “ok, let's just drop it.” So, yeah, dude who called the floor over lost the $800 he had on the table about half an hour later. Unfortunately, not to me.

I also like acting a bit. During my 27 hour session I of course got a little loopy 15 hours in and told the table that I was going for the world record of consecutive hours of poker played. “Really??? Why are you doing that?” I sigh, look glum, make direct eye contact with the dude, “I just contracted HIV. And I don't have health insurance.” I got a good five minutes out of him being like “wow, that's terrible,” before I started laughing hysterically. I think I might do something like this with some regularity, it's interesting, casting a pall over the table, not something you see done too often, I think it could work to my advantage. Regardless, I find it incredibly funny.

Anyway $2890 profit on the trip $111.15 average. Not so good, but winning is better than losing.

down nine thousand three hundred and fifty USD

Let's start from the end. At the end I stood up from the table and floated to my car in a hypnopompic daze. I didn't turn the radio on. I drove home in complete silence, the last three dollars I had on the table in my pocket.

At first, when he'd turned over his cards with a clap of his hands and a “YEAH BABY!!” I couldn't figure out what was going on. I had KK, he had JJ. The board was XQ9 K T. I studied it for a second. I looked at his cards, I looked at mine. I had no flush, I had no full house. He had about $30k on the table, in six $2k stacks of white chips, a $5k chip on top, a huge wad of hundred dollar bills behind. I had about $4200. The pot was about $8600.

About an hour before I'd sat down on this table there was a big commotion when he'd made a deal to go all in blind for with another player, for $5k. He wound up with the winning hand with 63. As I was sitting with him, he was in about half the pots, straddling every time he could, telling stories about bluffing Esfandari out of a $30k pot with 74.

So, I had Kings, and I limped in early position. He was on the button and raised $300 into a $100 pot. It folded back to me, and I did my best to hesitate for awhile, to look, at the pot, look at him, look down at my chips. After thirty seconds I said “I raise,” and threw out three hundred dollar chips. I instructed the dealer to take the money into the pot. I looked at the pot, I looked at my chips. I scrupulously avoided looking at him. For a second I thought about the possibility of him having AA, which I figured was impossible due to his over betting the pot. He was here to gamble, there was no way he'd want to kill the action on his aces. So, I thought for a little while longer, and I figured that if he had a middle pair or even a high ace he'd convince himself that I had a low pair and that he should gamble with me if I went all in.

“I'm all in,” I said in a quick high pitched voice, as I made a sweeping hand motion over my chips. I put my hand tightly over my mouth and most of my face as he thought about it. Eventually he asked the dealer for a count. I pushed my chips toward the pot, the dealer took them in and said in Chinese accented broken English,“thirty eight fifty.”

“Thirty eight hundred?” I say nothing, I put my hand over my mouth and do my best to not move, not make eye contact, and to look nervous. He has a pained look on his face. “I'm either a four to one favorite, or it's fifty-fifty.” I say nothing, keep my hand tightly over my mouth, I look up at him a little, I make a little eye contact, I look back at the pot. Finally he says, “ok, I'll gamble with you,” and throws his $5k chip into the pot. Dude to my left says “Aces.” I turn up the Kings. He says “you're good,” in a glum voice with a dejected look on his face.

It's 4:55AM PST as I type the first draft of this. I am drinking red wine and still feeling numb and in a dream. I keep thinking the “live by the sword” cliché. I guess I am that cliché now. The funny part about this is that I'm still actually up $1,265 on the trip, averaging a whopping $60.24 per session.

The real question is how did I get so much money on the table in the first place? Let me first say that I made zero blunders tonight. I had one $2k mistake of not being able to fold my own kings when I could have put a very tight older man on aces. The first big losing hand was a $4k bluff of trying to get a dude off QJ on a Q8X X A board. I had pretty much the perfect read on him, but maybe he had a better read on me. I guess I did make a big blunder after this though, of getting upset after losing $4k and putting the $5300 on the table. Which was every red cent I had at the Commerce bank. I felt that I was the best player there, and after losing that KK/AA hand, I was down to $2k which I built back up to the $4200. So I guess I might have actually been the best player there.

Bullocks. This doesn't matter. The numbness of the shock is wearing off. Through the wine I can feel it being replaced by an anger I think will be all consuming. I need at least a week, maybe two, in the poker hospital.

down $2310

Played for 27 hours straight. I felt that I was playing pretty great for the most part, which is why I kept on going. I really felt that my level of concentration was just the highest it could be, that I was so completely aware of the table at each second. Unfortunately, the bane of this session sat down next to me at in the afternoon, and from this single man, I endured two actual suckouts, one cold deck, one huge bluff, and then out of frustration I tried to make a super-star call on him that was just stupid. He took me from an $1800 profit to the loss. Sigh.

But.. For the most part of this I played amazing. I made some awesome lay downs, great bluffs, one super-star call what worked out, got paid big on most of my big hands. The lay downs were how I knew I was playing great and was able to justify staying so long. Because even after that retard killing me I knew that I wasn't going gamble crazy and chasing my money, and I knew I was still playing very good and solid poker.

But, the good play isn't what I want to write about. I'm feeling that this blog, like all poker blogs is starting to be too self-aggrandizing. I made about $2000 of mistakes that while some of them weren't so horrible, I am getting rather tired of myself for making them.

AA in somewhat late position, I raise. The donkey at the table calls (not the retard from above). I bet the flop, he calls. Turn brings a straight. He checks, I check. River makes a four card straight, that he can have either a 4 or a 9 to have. He bets like $600. And I insta-call. He of course has the 4. Retarded, really fucking stupid. Why? Well, dude was a total calling station, I'd not seen a raise out of him unless he had it. Not only that, but I didn't even think this call for more than a second. I had AA, and I got so excited that I got to play them heads up with the donkey, that I didn't think about his hand for more than a second. I didn't really consider what he could have. Last night I realized that this is a big problem with me in general, how I don't take the time to consider what people have. I get so focused on the math of the situation, that I don't take the time to use any brain power on what my opponents may have.

The huge bluff the retard laid on me went like this: I have QQ, retard straddles. I think about raising, but decide to just limp in what's now under the gun and then re-reraise. The table had been completely insane for the past few hours, every pot raised, people just throwing around so much money, it was really nice. Unfortunately I wound up on the shit end of the sick after enduring two suckouts by this dude. Anyway, a bunch people limp, and an aggressive dude on the button raises the straddle to $150, the retard calls. And I think for awhile, and make a raise of $500, $650 total. Bettor is asking me questions, says “do you have aces?” Which I just should have just kept quiet and looked down and imposing, instead I say “Do I need them?” He folds what he'd later say was AK. Retard insta-calls. Flop = AXX. Retard insta-all-ins for $700! Well, wow. So, I turn to him, and ask “What'd you put me on?” He shrugs and says “Queens or Jacks.” And I fold instantly. He turns over KJ. Barf. So, yeah.. .So fucking what there was an A on the flop? Or that he read me right and wanted me to know it? And so fucking what it was a good play? I'm the pro here. So, where's my mistake? Not thinking about it was the mistake... I'd thought about it for a little while, I could have figured out that bettor had a decent ace, so only two left in the deck, making retard having one less likely. I also could have probably come to the conclusion after he told me what he put me on that he was bluffing me. I'm not sure that I would have, and maybe I would have still folded, but at least I should have thought about it for awhile.

With 65 off in late position I make a little bluff trying to steal the blinds and get called by like five dudes. Flop = AAX rainbow. I bet $200. This was a mistake in thinking that not one of the five people who'd called me would have an A. I should have just given up on the hand there. But, this wasn't so terrible, and if no one had it I would have taken the $300 pot right there. But, I'm called by a pretty tight dude who only has $500 left after that. Turn = K. I start telling myself a fairytale how dude is super tight, and if I put him all in for the little he has left he's got to fold. So, I put him all in and he makes a crying call with AQ, asking “You have a boat?” Terrible. I mean, what'd I think the dude had? And did I seriously think he'd fold it? No, I didn't. I just didn't think about it long enough.

Ok, I left at 9 last night, went to bed at 10, fell asleep instantly for a good 11 hours, and I'm feeling about ready to hit it again now.

On losing, part 4

By the time I've registered what's happened, the dealer has put the river card out. When I finally look at it, I'm praying it's a club. It's not. It wouldn't have helped me anyway. A few seconds later, I come to my sense and say, “I missed, jack high,” he turns over Q4 of clubs. As I'm pushing my chips, all of my chips, towards the pot, I say “good call.” Brown just nods in response to this without looking at me, as he takes the pot in. The guy next to me, is astonished and says “how did he call that?” Well, I guess, because you don't get to be player of the year for nothing. I reach into my pocket and put the other $5k on the table...
- On losing, part 3
Part 1 Part 2


Now, not only did I have the desire to make things right from the $7k loss from the day before, it was compounded with Brown so completely owning me. I wound up winning a few hands gambling gambling, and shorty after I put the last $5k on the table, I'd worked it up to about $8k. But, I was still on tilt, I was still counting how I was down $11k for the trip. I had no desire to leave, my only thought, looking at the $8k in front of me, was “make it $20k, and you're even.”

I would have had better odds putting the money on the roulette wheel, a craps table, lottery tickets.

But the table is mostly pros, and they can see my tilt a mile away. So I die a slow death of bluffs, of bad calls, of looking at any starting hand and thinking how this could be the hand that I bust someone with.

Eventually, with $1500 in front of me, and I go all in on a straight draw which turned out I was drawing to a chop as the dude had flopped it.

----------------------
On returning home I told people that I was down sixteen-thousand dollars. But, I kept seeing that safe full of twenty-two thousand, three neat $5k bands, a bunch of thousand dollar chips, plus change. Twenty two thousand dollars. All my credit cards paid. A nice stock portfolio. Half of a down payment on a decent apartment.

I took a week off, I worked out every day. I got drunk a lot. I watched a lot of television. I watched a lot of porn.

When I started playing again, I had to step down to the smaller stakes home games that I was playing in before. I had no patience. I was just playing with Chad Brown! I just put out a $5k bluff! Who any of these people to be sitting at my table??!!

I am on tilt from the moment I sit down, to the moment I leave. I lose the next five straight for another $8k.

My notes on my spreadsheet during this run are about the bad beats I took, about my shit luck, about how the universe had conspired against me.

I take another week off. Ten days. I watch more movies. I stop drinking, I stop jerking off, I stop talking to people for the most part. I workout everyday, sprinting on the treadmill at the end of the session until my heart feels as though it's going to pound through my chest.

I watch more movies. One of which is an early Kurosawa / Mifune film, “Stray Dog.” It's the story about a young cop who has his gun stolen by a pickpocket. He goes on through the movie cursing his fate about how the Gods are laughing at him, how this one mistake will ruin his career. He becomes monomaniacal, focused on getting his pistol back, going crazy with frustration. While I found the Mifune character's take on his luck and spiral into depression and insanity pertinent to me, there is a line that sums it up perfectly: “bad luck can either destroy or make a man.”

And all of a sudden it was as simple as that.

down $3320

I think I played poorly. I couldn't make any tough lay downs. I had KK, knew he had AA, and I couldn't fold. I got a couple coolers, twice in the BB, flopping bottom 2 pair, then flopping the low end of a straight. Then flopping a set of T's and dude hitting a gutshot. I guess I could have lost a lot more than I did. I don't know.... I'm writing this from NY, and I don't really feel like analyzing it at the moment. So, I'll just give some stats from the first leg of this LA journey...
$12,925 Profit
$3,073.63 Standard deviation
$680.26 average profit
$1,420.00 Median profit
68.42% winning percentage
540.7 Blinds won
30.04 average blinds won

I'm counting 1 blind = SB + BB. If I ever played limit, I'd probably just count the BB. Anyway
in a 10/20 game, averaging 30 blinds means that I'm averaging $900 a game.

Up $2790

Well, my girlfriend originally planned to come to LA around this time for work, but work has changed and she'll be in NY, and so the serendipity of my subletter flaking out at just this moment means that my apartment is open. So I'm flying out of Burbank 7am tomorrow morning, and back to LA a week later. I'm looking forward to this quite a bit. Anyway, this is why I decided to play yesterday, as I don't think I'm going to play any big sessions in NY, I'll see if I can get a PLO game together at my apartment, but, that's about it.

Anyway, I played pretty great yesterday. I've broken $16k on this trip, and with this, I've found a real serenity that allows me to play my best all the time. I've gotten to the real nice calmness similar to my November to December streak, where nothing out of my control don't bother me. And in this session, I ran so cold for the first two hours, suckouts cooler, and I'm down like $2k to start. And it doesn't bother me one bit. I find myself, playing great, still totally focused on the games of everyone else at the table, still figuring out how to profit from them.

So, on the first table, I lose maybe $200 or so. Playing ok, I was up a few hundred to start, and I made a few bluffs that didn't workout, and I hit no big hands. There's a $545 tournament at 7, which I'm feeling that I want to take a shot in, so I get up and play that. In the tournament, on hand number three... I call a small raise with pocket 3's, flop a set, and lose everything when she turns the nut flush, and the river blanks. Hmmm... Well, better than playing for 3 hours and bubbling, actually much better.

So, back to the cash game. It's a particularly busy night, as the tournament I played in is part of a big thing there now, the table is pretty tight. Anyway, I wind up sititng with this dude who busted me with T7 a few months ago. He's a very strange player, very very bad, but he shifts gears from being an over-betting maniac when he's down, to being a complete lock-box conservative player when he's up. Anyway, I've sat down on this table with $2500 (in for $4100 for the day so far), I'm up a maybe $1k here (on what I can't remember...), when I get AK. I raise to $100, 3 callers. Flop = KTX 2 spades. Donkey is first to act, and goes all in for $1400!!! Wow, ok, this was like a $300 pot before this bet, it's just absurd. He does this weird act, that wheever he makes his stupidly huge bet he yells out “I have a dream...” sometimes singing it, usually with his hand out like a politician. Anyway, I pretty much insta-call. Dude at the end of the table is thinking and thinking, and folds, and said he had AK as well. Anyway turn = J of spades, and he turns over his Q9 of spades, river = blank. Well, I can't fault him for this, he did have an all in hand (flush draw and gutshot). So, god bless.

What I'm kind of surprised at is that I don't tilt. I don't even react really, I just kind of smile, and shrug, and I don't even say “nice hand.” I show the king, and fold, and don't worry about it. He takes it on himself to needle me a bit. I do my best to kind of make a show out of it “hey my friend!” Etc. It's amusing, it amuses me at any rate. He keeps holding up his stack of 100's and saying how “this is your money. I know you're going to get it back.” I'm rather surprised to find I'm amused by his banter, I respond with something like “Thanks! I'll do my best to take it.”

Eventually there's a small pot that he's in, it's checked to me on the button, and I'm counting out a bet, and he kind of yells out “Time! Wait!” And starts counting out a bet. He knew that he checked, he knew that it was on me, I'm not sure if he actually thought this was funny, or if he was actually trying to pull something. But, kidding aside, I kind of thought that I needed to draw a line, and I get a little pissed and start to call the floor. The rest of the table tells me to relax, so instead of calling the floor, I point at him and give him a really stern warning of something like “Sir, that is angel shooting. And I really don't like it.” And then I put my bet out, and the whole table insta-folds. After the hand, he doesn't apologize, but you can tell he was a bit cowed.

Anyway, I knew I wouldn't get the money back from him, and I don't, he spends most of the time walking around, letting his $2k or so sit on the table. I do get it back from flopping three sets, AT flopping two pair, on someone's broadway, and rivering a boat. And a bunch of little bluffs that work out. It was weird, after that little exchange, I just started running good all of a sudden, after a whole session of running bad.

Ok, going to play now. I think I'm going to watch that UFC fight first though. See all y'all soon.

$1805 + $3160 = Up $4965.. only when you know the rules should you break them

I've been not playing so much the past week. In a somewhat lack of discipline, I had a 22 hour session from last Sunday (8/26) afternoon to Monday afternoon, which kind of blew my brains through the top of my skull and made me pretty sick of poker. In thinking about the pivotal hands now, I really am surprised that I can't fault myself for any of the play. Anyway, the session was like 3 sessions in one, so, forgive me for omitting a lot of the details.

Anyway, I think I'm not going to play until at least Saturday, I'd like to spend time at the library getting some non-poker writing done.

8/26 Up $1805, 22 fucking hours...
I buy in for $1500, in the first hour or so I get the improbable nuts with Q9 for a turned gutshot. Two other dudes in the hand, all the money gets in when I have the nuts, on the turn. One dude calls with pretty bad odds to hit his 7 high flush to suck out on me. I buy back in for $1500, I'm about even when I try to bluff James Woods off his pair of Jacks. Stupid stupid bluff of me, I put him on pretty much the hand he had, but my stupidity was thinking that he could fold it. He kept going on about how I must have a set, but called anyway. So I'm down $3k, and break the money management rule and buy in for $2k.

I'm just even and even and more even, spinning my wheels with no big hands for hours and hours. As the night goes on the players get looser and dumber, and I find no positions to capitalize on any of it.

And I break the how long I should play rule. 9 hours, 10, 11 hours... I got there at 6 or so, it's 5am, I'm seated facing the door, and I see the parking lot light up in the dawn light. But, I'm stuck, I'm pissed about it, and I'm focused completley in the zone and focused on getting at least some of it back. The world kind of evaporated around me, I am just poker, just this table, and just these men, this table of men who didn't have to be anywhere to be on a Monday morning.

But, the cards are still against me, and I lose and I lose, as I just can't make a hand. My last $1k is sucked out as I have KQ, flop comes K6x, and dude put me all in on the flop. I insta-called. He had a pair of 67 that he would hit two pair with on the turn. So, I'm broke, I'm down $5k, I've been playing for 15 straight hours at this point. But, wow, I'm focused, and I can't recall a hand where I put the money in bad, and the table is full of either people that I can read easily, or who are just aggressive donkeys.

So, I break another rule, and I walk to the cashier, and $5k out of my account. I walk back to the table, dump the chips on it. I get reactions like “uh oh! We're playing now.” And I was there to play. I knew I was the best player on the table, and I was just in no mood to go home with a $5k loss, and so I just started playing super super aggressive. Maybe raising 25% of the hands, all medium sized raises, $100, or $120. And losing, and losing, and finally, I'm down like $1k from the last buy in (so $6k total loss, $4k on the table)...

It's about 10am, The sun is approaching it's zenith in the afternoon sky, there's not much light coming through the door of the casino, but I know it's bright out there, and I know it's going to hurt as I walk out to the parking lot...

I get 99 on the button. Me and 3 others call a $100 bet from a tight dude in early position. Flop = 678. Tight Dude bets $300, folds around to me, I make it $700. He's thinking, he's thinking... I'd been talking too much for the past few hours. Jabbering to anyone who'd listen to me, mainly to keep myself focused, swilling coffee, doing so many chip tricks I'd started to get blisters. And in this hand I'm like “come on! You have aces? Put your money in! You have Ace King? Throw it away.” Anyway, he goes all in... barf... But... It's only $1170 for me to call. And so I sit there and do the math... well, let's see 10 outs is 1.6 to 1. $1170 x 1.6 = $1872. So, there only needs to be $700 in the pot for me to call, there's already $1400 in from our bets on the turn. So, it's clearly a call.. but for $1k.. and after 15 or so hours of losing I'm really kind of frazzled, and it takes me a long time to do this math. Anyway, I finally get everything straight, I call, he shows KK. turn = 5, (straight!), river = K (giving him a set of K's as if to just punch him in the stomach...). Yay I still have no profit. I'm still down like $1k at this point...

Finally, around 11am they get a must move table going. This pretty good young poker star comes from the table and sits to my right. He's giving me a scouting report on the action at his table. I'm genuinely enjoying talking to him when I get KK under the gun. I limp, and continue with our conversation. It's folded around to the small blind, who just completes. The kid nonchalantly grabs a stack of white chips and makes it fucking $600 into what was a $60 pot. In the five seconds I think about it, I find it suspicious, maybe he has TT or QQ, the possibility that he might have AA doesn't even enter my mind, but then again, I wasn't really in a mood to entertain such possibilities and I insta-all in. SB folds instantly, the kid sighs, and calls! I don't even have time to realize what's happened, before the flop is being dealt, with probably the most beautiful King I've ever seen in the window. As the turn and river are dealt, he turns up his aces, I turn up my kings, kind of sheepishly, almost as if to apologize to him, but man, what could I have done? I'm feeling this hand kind of played itself, there was no way that I'm folding KK to that suspicious looking huge-overbet, and if I think about it for a second, just call and see the flop, I'll take his stack anyway.

Eventually I get KK again, and take a bigger than it should have been pot from the old dude the kid was telling me about. I'm up maybe $2500 or even $3k at one point. I'm no longer playing with any aggression, as I just feel the energy leave me almost as soon as I get up. I have somewhere around $12k in front of me, and I have no desire to gamble anymore. I am feeling I've managed to escape, and that I want to leave. I'm like a well fed shark, just digesting after the big kill. And I leave soon after.

Rest....
I wander around like a zombie for maybe three days after this. I smoke way too much pot, and sit on my ass way too much. I have no brain for anything, nor do I really want one as it's nice to just be stoned and spaced out. Feeling good from having my first winning month since May, for having my first $10k month in, man.. I don't know... maybe ever? (I don't feel like figuring this out right now...).

8/31 Up $3160 in 3 hours
On Friday, I had a friend coming to town to play a show. I'd kind of resigned to not playing for the rest of the week, as I was going to visit my brother in San Fran for labor day weekend, and I had to go to that show on Friday, and I'd finally just started to feel recovered from the Sun-Monday session. But, I hadn't played for awhile, and I was just feeling a hankering for it.

So my day went like this:

• I retrieved my lost ATM card at a bank of america in a part of town I have no idea existed.

• Decided that I should go to the commerce to get some money out of my account, for my trip to SF. But not play, as I didn't have the time, I hadn't written, etc etc. No way to play. No play, no way.

• When I'm pulling in the parking lot, I figure “Hey, I'm here, what's the harm in playing for a couple hours?”

  • Play for 45 minutes. Win $1425. Mostly on having AK flop = KXX, turn = K, he bets every street. Yay!

• Leave to go home, eat something, shower, change, and go to the show.

  • I get there, early, as it turns out that in LA a club saying "doors open at 8," doesn't mean "bands go on at 9” like it would in NY. No, in LA it means that bands go on at midnight.

  • But! I have no LA friends to kill the time with.. And, since I'm 15 minutes from the Commerce, why not go back and play?!??!!!!

• Play for 60 minutes. Win another $1735...

  • 3 good bluffs,

  • 1 semi-superstar call on a tilted player.

  • I hit the nuts on this kid twice, 1st time he thinks I'm bluffing but folds anyway for my $600 river bet. 2nd time he insta calls with top pair for $500.

  • I only lost one or two pots that I put $100 into.

• Leave to see the show, which wasn't so great. But the place was amazing, amazing. 3 floors of hip hop shows, all for one price, all going at the same time. The front room is freestyle, the middle room is local acts, and then they have this pretty big outside stage where the headliners perform. I was really impressed with the freestyle and the local kids. Wow, some of them were really amazing.

More rest
The next morning (Sat), I get up and drive the 6 hours on hwy 5 from LA to SF. That drive is kind of amazing at how flat it is. For some reason I thought that CA was as densely populated as NJ. It is not, it turns out it's a desert. Anyway, nice family time in SF. Good times, much wine drunk in Sonoma, much karaoke sung in SF. The drive back wasn't quite as fun as the drive there.

Up $680... lessons on poker etiquette

Write some in the blog, and then promise to myself of how I'm going to play more patient. I get there and it all kind of goes out the window. I sit down to a cramped table in between the dealer and the Staker. Staker has his chips in a rack in my space, and I politely ask him to move to give me some space, to which he begrudgingly does, and gives me an annoyed “is that ok?” To which I do my best to politely thank him.

On my first big hand I raise with KQ, Staker calls. Flop = KJT, I bet again, he calls. Turn = X. I check, he bets, I call. I only have $600 or so left in front of me after this. The river is also a blank, and he puts me all in. I insta-call him, to which he says “I've got nothing.” I turn over the cards, don't look at him. It takes him a long time to fold, at which point I've kind of got the feeling that he's slow rolling me, but he isn't and he mucks. I guess he was just pissed that I'd give him such little respect to call him on a hand like that. I say nothing, I don't look at him, he says nothing to me. I am not sure why this guy hates me so much. He's so friendly and talkative with everyone else at the table, with the entire staff of the casino, and when ever I say anything in his conversation, I get ignored. But, whatever, I've resolved to avoid engaging him in any manner that I don't have to, but also to go out of my way to be nothing but polite to him.

My next big hand I have 88, and I try to make a couple superstar calls on this tight asian dude, on a board of like 442 or something, but he has 99, which I don't realize until I've given him $1800. Very very stupid. I had no reason to be making these calls on him. I'd seen him play nothing but good cards in the few times I've played with him, and so there was no reason. My other mistake in this hand was not going all in on the river. He was obviously not happy with me raising, and to not take advantage of this was also a very bad play, I mean, if I'm going to play these cards, I should play the cards. So I'm back to even. I try to bluff at a few pots, it doesn't work out, I can't hit a hand.

The UFC is on in the bar, and I take about an hour break to watch that. Good fight, I was among the minority who wanted to see Couture get his 44 year old ass pounded. Actually I was sure that he would, and this makes me really glad that I don't bet on sports.

So I get back to the table, and lose a few hundred more on a couple small bluffs and reasonable calls. This kid directly to my right I've seen limp in early position and make a huge re-raise like maybe three or four times. So, I get JJ, he limps, I raise to $120, he makes it $320, I go all in. He calls.. with KK.. Shite. Well, he only had $900 or so, and so, I'm still alive, with $600 on the table. Down from a $2500 buy in. I have $5k in my pocket that I'm really tempted to put on the table, but I get a hold of myself, and stick to the $2500 limit that I'd promised myself. I realize that I'm pissed at myself in throwing away another big early profit. So, I resolve to torture myself a bit, and see how tight and patient I can play with the $600. Two hands later I get TT in the small blind. It's straddled, and there are a bunch of callers, and I'm getting ready to make a huge raise and take the pot. But, this pretty tight and good player with like $10k makes it $200 on the button. And I think for a second that he might be making a move, he's made some before, but, I decide that playing good means to throw hands like this away. And I do. He doesn't show or comment, but I'm happy with this play, and I think that quite a few players in this spot would have thrown all their money in.

So, I sit, and eventually pick up $300 with AK. Bet $100 pre flop, three callers, and shove the last $400 in on the J high flop. The dudes I was in the hand with were all good and tight, I was nervous about someone having a J, but no one called. I realized then who was actually paying attention to my game, and how little I was playing for the past hour, and who wasn't.

The big WPT thing has brought a lot of these 22 year old tournament players out. And they are all horrible. Horrible people to play with, and horrible at poker. They all have dollar signs in their eyes, and their brand of all in stupidity, of playing every pot like their life depends on it, is the brand that will win one of these things. But, in the cash games, if someone goes all in on you, you really need to be able to throw away aces a lot of the time. Anyway, one of these kids sit down to my left.

This hair lip, who I don't dislike, but he only has like $400, and I'd like to get him off the table, so we can get some more money on it. Anyway, me and three others call a bet from him, I have 55, and flop a set. Check to him, he bets, everyone else folds, I put him all in. He can't resist calling, and he busts and leaves. Yay. But, it's as though this kid re-spawns himself in the form of three other tournament players, who are ten times douchier than he was. These kids sitting directly to my left have no concept of poker etiquette, taking forever with every decision they make, frequently speculating loudly about hands they're not even playing in. It's infuriating, I try to get them to shut up a few times, politely, but then eventually I've kind of just had it.

This kid directly to my left got bluffed out on his very first hand for a big pot, and the kid just couldn't let it go. And for the next two hours I have to hear him whine about it. At first I was pretty nice to him, saying something like “man, you can either let it go, or go crazy with tilt.” But, being stuck a grand my patience started to really wear thin, as not only do I have to listen to him whine, but these kids taking for-fucking-ever on every decision. Finally, I snapped on this hand: another tournament looking kid, who actually knew how to not piss people off, makes a $200 raise, to which the kid to my left calls, and this other tournament kid goes all in for $400 more. Both kids call, when they realize it can't be re-raised. Flop is all low. Raiser makes it $600, and as soon as he raises I call the floor over, when the floor gets there, I call clock on the kid. To which he and his buddy spaz out on me. “It's only been like thirty seconds! What's your problem?” Blah blah. Ok, so, no time, but he's still thinking and thinking, and I try to call the floor back and call time on him again, to which he spazzes out on me again. Ok, so no time is called again. Eventually the kid calls. Turn is another low card, raiser makes a big raise and the kid goes all in. The raiser is contemplating his decision, when the kid's buddy says something like “Aahhh ha! I knew you had Ace King!!!” To which I start cursing him “shut the fuck up. This is a $4k pot.” To which he says “Really 'shut the fuck up?'” Me: “Are you serious? One player per hand, this is a huge pot, shut your fucking mouth.” Anyway, raiser calls with TT, kid had 88. Retarded. Kid buys back in for $2k though, which makes me happy.

As the cards are being dealt for the next hand, kid says to me. “Just so you know, I'm not chopping with you anymore.” Me: “You're still gonna chop with your buddy?” Kid: “Yeah, or whoever sits next to me, but not you. That was bullshit calling time on me.” A few hands later he raises to $130, that me and like 4 others also smelling his tilt, call. I have 55, and I'm thinking how amazing it would be to flop a set on his ass. And I do, with a K52 flop. It's checked to Kid, who bets $300, one caller, and I go all in for the $1090 I have in front of me. He's looking at me, “Did you flop a set? Pocket fives or twos?” I say nothing, I know that if I'm silent, and don't look at him, it'll just make him mad. His buddy says something like “you should call time now.” Nothing, nothing, nothing. He calls eventually. I'm like “good call, yeah good call.” Turn and river dealt.. “Yeah, good call, good call.... I mean, for me!!!” Turn over the set, he looks like he wants to puke. As I'm taking the pot in I say “Hey! Thanks for the money!” He says nothing, and sits there looking like someone just shot his dog. His friend tries to get him to take a break, but he refuses. I know I have him on crazy tilt, but it's 2AM, and I'm tired and I don't think I have the energy to battle with him, so I leave.

This is the great thing about the difference between playing in a casino and in home games, the chance to really be an asshole. I mean, I had this kid on such tilt, that there was no way that he could make any right decisions after that. I drive away laughing my head off, and blasting this Chavez song .

down $3000

So, talking to my mother yesterday afternoon, she asks something about if I've thought of a career change. “Well, I can make like $120k a year here if I play good all the time.” She says “but you can't play well all the time. No one can.” To which I start to argue about how I can do it! Through discipline, through money management, blah blah blah. And then as if to prove her right, I go and hang out with my neighbors who are BBQ-ing by the pool and break a good number of my rules: I smoked weed in the afternoon at a BBQ with my neighbors, I hung out too long and didn't get a chance to sit down and write before going to play. And so I made mistakes...

I sit down to a tough looking must-move with $1500. In my first hand I win a big pot with a flush, I bought in for $1500, and so I have like $2500 on the table.

First mistake:
A few hands later, I get QQ. I raise the straddle to $170, straddler and another call. Flop = J7T, two clubs. Checked to me, I bet $350, straddler raises to $800, other dude folds. I'm looking at the board, and thinking about all the draws that he could have, and how he probably just has a J, and so I go all in. Really really stupid. Wow, stupid. I mean, this is the reason why over-betting is the dumbest thing in the world. I don't want him to draw for cheap, but of course there's always the chance that he's flopped a big hand. I could have found out what he had for a raise of $1k, instead of this huge bet. Anyway, he insta-calls with the nuts of 98 off suit (why he defended his straddle for $130 I don't know, but whatever). Anyway, in my second runner runner suckout in as many sessions, the board comes A, K, giving me the nuts for broadway. Let's see, what was I here? I don't remember if I had the Q of clubs, if I did I was 9-1, if not I was 14 -1. So, I'm a bit tilted from this, which is a weird kind of tilt when the dealer is pushing you a monstrous pot.

Second mistake:
There's this super super aggressive kid on the table. Wearing this absurd yellow shirt, little goatee, and these dorky gold 80's cop glasses. I'm watching him raise to $130 every other pot, and so a few hands after I've sucked out with the QQ, I decide to pop him with 98 suited. I limp, knowing he's probably going to raise, which he obliges me with. One caller, and I pop him to $350. He calls, other guy folds. Flop = Q9X, 2 spades. I bet $400, he thinks for awhile and calls. Turn = X. Check, check. River = K of spades. Here's the mistake: I raise to $600. Why? Well, because I figure if he didn't have spades, he'd fold. Stupid. This $600 bet into an $1100 pot just screams that I don't have it, and I can be bluffed out. And this kid was good enough to pick up on that. I'm feeling that my pair of 9's was probably good here, and I could have just check/called him. But he grabs a $2k stack of hundred dollar chips, and pushes them forward. I'm thinking for a long long time, and I just know that I have him, or at least I'm pretty sure. But, I'm cursing at myself for betting the river, the check call would have only been like $1k, I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a flush, but I'm wondering if he has a K. Anyway, I think for a long while, and I fold. He shows the AT of clubs. I shouldn't have tried to muscle him out in the first place. I've done so well being very patient with the super aggressive dudes. Wait wait and wait, and then hit them over the head with a huge hand, get them to fear you, and then pop them maybe once after that. However, this process takes a minimum of 5 hours. Playing with this kid this early was so so stupid of me.

I'm moved to the main game where I lose a couple hands trying to bluff a couple pots. I put the whole $3k I've taken out of my account on the table. I've gone from being up $2800 after that QQ suck-out, to being down a few hundred.

Third:
On the main table, I'm sitting with James Woods who I played with once before, he's pretty bad. Does the Daniel Negranu thing of calling out people's hands and then paying them off. I usually see him lose, and tonight he has a bunch of money in front of him. I limp in late position with A5. Flop = 55T, 2 clubs. He bets $100, folds to me, I make it $250 more. He thinks and thinks, and then calls. Turn = X. Checks to me, I bet $600, he calls. Before the blanked river is dealt, he's going on about how he has a boat, and how he's not going to bet, because he doesn't want to “ruin your night.” I say something like “I don't think you have a boat, I think you were on a flush draw.” He says some bullshit line about, “well, it's not a very good boat.” He checks to me, and I think and think, and I only have $1300 left, and I just check. I hate myself for this, he turns over 52, and I take the pot. The mistake was not betting the river. I knew I had him, and I could have put out a $700 bet, and he probably would have made a crying call.

Fourth:
I'm chatting with this this pretty good pro sitting directly to my left. He's going on about playing the 20/40 game with Sean Shikan the other night, talking about chip tricks, etc etc. He's not that aggressive, he's a pretty even, decent player. So, in the middle of our friendly conversation, I limp into the pot with him and three others with 9T of diamonds. Flop = AJX, all diamonds. I decide not to slow play it, and I bet $130, about the size of the pot, he calls, and another call. Turn = X. I bet $300, he raises to $700. Other dude folds. The only thought in my head at this point was how to get all the money into the pot, so, I go all in. And he insta calls with KT of diamonds, and I'm drawing dead. He had me covered by a ton, and this was about a $5k pot. The all in was the mistake here, again, I could have made a reasonable raise. Just calling would have been the best option, this guy was obviously very good, and he wasn't not putting his money in with nothing. I was hoping he had a set or maybe even AK, but that was such a stupid hope, because he wouldn't have been in the hand at this point. Although this was a really tough spot for me to be in, I still think that I could have just called him down on his raise on the turn, and check called the river for another thousand or so. If I'd been playing my best, I mean....

If there is a silver lining in this session, it's that I'm proud for leaving at this point. Taking my $3k loss on the chin, admit that I wasn't playing my best, and going the hell home. In the first week of this trip, I posted sessions of $5k and $4k losses, neither was necessary, and I'm glad to have saved myself a few thousand that I'm certain I would have lost.

Ok, been writing for the better part of 4 hours now. Feeling good finally. Got a little bit of nervousness that's pretty good for me. Time to go.

Up $5380 (thursday, 8/23)

I buy in for $1500, wait for my blind to start playing. The very first hand I get A5, check my big blind. Flop = Ac5c3h. I check. The button, a pretty decent, and mostly tight assed pro, who I find very funny, bets, I call. Turn = 4h. Check, bet, call. River = 6h. I check, he goes all in. The pot is only like $400. I say “wow, that's a horrible card.” Muck the hand face up. He shows me a 3 of clubs. I think I should have thought about this a little more, and maybe I could have called. It would have been a pretty amazing call. And of course a 2 beat me, or maybe he had a set of 3's? I'm not sure.

I sit for awhile, it's the must move, and I don't really like playing too much at the must move, as I usually don't feel I have enough time to get into people's games. But, this kid who's obviously really aggressive sits down. He's also talking to The Staker, bemoaning losing $3k the night before. Observing his play up to this point, I imagine his loss was because he can't fold a hand. So, I decided to call his $100 from the BB with 64 of hearts, with the plan to check raise anything he bets on the flop. I get a better flop than I'd expected in the form of KJ5 with two hearts. He bets $200, I make it $500, and he instantly goes all in. Doh! Well, I only have $750 left, I'm 2-1 to hit the flush, so I need to make $1500 to make the call right. There's already $1400 in the pot, plus his $750 makes it way in my favor. But... He turns over AT of hearts. Doh! But... Turn = 3 of not hearts, and river = 7 of not hearts, giving me a straight. Nice! As I'm taking the pot in he goes on about how bad he's running, how he was a huge favorite, blah blah blah. But I reason, that I had to put him on exactly Ax of hearts in order to give me bad expected value. I just looked it up and actually, I was 4.5 -1 so, not as horrible as I'd thought.

So, I'm up about $1k now, and am moved to the main game. I'm in seat one, and my first big hand is against seat 9 (they only play 9 handed at the Commerce). Because of the dealer between us, I don't get a really get a look at this guy. I only remember his hands always putting chips into the pot, a kind of disembodied arm feeding chips pots in hopeless situations. A real passive calling station, he could not fold any hand if he had any draw or any piece of the board. I get AA, I raise, he's the only caller. Flop = 9TX two diamonds. I bet the size of the pot, he calls. Turn = Ad. He checks, and I go all in. He calls almost instantly! Fiver = blank. I turn over the aces, he mucks. I still can not figure out what he had, maybe 9T? Maybe AT? I have no idea. He re-buys for $2k or so.

I lose a medium hand to a pretty tight Indian dude. I can't even remember the hand now, because it was somewhat inconsequential in the scheme of things. So, after this little loss I'm up about $2k, with $3500 on the table, when this hand comes: Donkey and I call this aggressive kid's $100 raise. I have 9T of diamonds. Flop = 9TX, two clubs. Donkey checks, I bet $200, kid folds, donk calls. Turn = 9!! I bet $500, donk looks at his cards, looks at the flop, looks like he's about to muck his hand, but he calls!!!!! River = 8 of not clubs. Donk makes a huge bet, I go all in, he insta-calls! He has me covered!! He proudly turns up QJ for a straight! I have a boat! He's got me covered!!! Yayaya I'm rich!!!!! He gets up immediately after this hand.

I'm feeling rather great about this whole thing, and my play in general. Which isn't the best thing for me, as I kind of get lazy, and don't get aggressive enough, and I lack the willingness to gamble, even when I'm pretty sure I have the best hand. I know a lot of people who think this conservative style of play is the way to succeed, but it's not, it will lead to missing a lot of pots you could win. Anyway, it's something I need to correct. There were a number of hands that I had big aces but, I was unwilling to see flops due to any sizable bet.

I also feel that I'm making a common mistake of getting too friendly with my neighbors at the table. It's ok to be chatty, but, I still must look into their games and find their flaws. I made a mistake in this manner against this middle aged lady who was sitting next to me, and kind of flirty and very flattering, in a way that reminded me of my high school friend's mothers. In one hand I call her bet pre flop, and I flop a set of 8's. I let her bet the flop, she obviously had an over pair, but I just went all in, kind of to let her know. I am not feeling good about this in retrospect, I should have let her hang herself, and let her bet again, or made a reasonable bet and done my best to give her a tough decision. I probably left about $1k, maybe even her whole stack on the table.

On losing, part 3

I'm only down like $1k on the trip at this point. I'm not sure why the thought of coming home with a loss chapped my ass so badly. If I were home, I would have taken a break, checked myself into the “poker hospital” for at least a week and not played until I didn't feel so bad. But, yeah, like I said, nothing else to do there. When I eventually lie down, I doze in and out for a couple hours at a time, instead of ruminating about my stupidity, my brain fixated on the monomaniacal thought of how I'm going to make it right. When thinking about this sequence of events, it is this night I think of most. I think of how I could have taken the car we rented and driven a few hours to visit my parents, relax, and in a day or two come back to play the tournaments we'd gone down to play in the first place. But, no, I didn't do that at all...
- On Losing, part 2
- On Losing, part 1


I got up in the afternoon, on maybe four or five hours total sleep, put two $5k bands in my pocket, walk downstairs to the casino, find a seat at the $10/$25 table, open one of these bands and empty the contents onto it. This table features Chad Brown (Bluff magazine's 2006 player of the year), Amnon Filippi (as seen on High Stakes Poker), and a bunch of tight/pro looking dudes who I'd played with the other day. If you can't find the sucker at the table...

I sit down and start playing hard, and bluffing hard, up a little, down a little. I am about even when I get the J9 of clubs somewhere in middle position. I raise to $150 or so. Brown is the only caller. Flop = XXX, two clubs. I bet the size of the pot, Brown calls. Turn = Q of not clubs. Brown checks, I go all in for about $3500. The pot is a little under $1k at this point, and so, this bet was a retardedly huge over-bet.

I had this sunglasses sthick I'd do in these days. Where I'd keep dark sunglasses on top of my head until I'd get involved in hands, when I'd pull them down, put my put my chin in my hands, and cross my arm on my bicep. It was kind of a shield that I felt somewhat fearless behind. So, I have the glasses down, I have my hand covering half my face, I'm sitting in seat eight, and I'm staring at Brown in seat two contemplating his decision.

I'm surprised that he hasn't folded quickly. Instead he keeps looking at me, looks back at his chips, looks at his cards, looks back at me. The table is silent, all eyes are on Brown's eyes that keeps looking up at me, down to the pot, down to his chips, down to his cards. I'm not nervous in the slightest, not because I was sure he was folding, but more because this is really the zenith of degenerate gambling, of being caught in a tailspin of losing where rational thoughts are replaced by the sickly monomaniacal instinct of trying to get even. I didn't consider the risk/reward of the amount I bet, I didn't consider who I was playing. I made a frustrated and stupid play. And Brown hasn't done anything yet, he's asked me no questions, he's said nothing to the table, he's postulated no theories on what I had, or discussed his thinking. He just keeps looking up and down. I sit motionless in the same position, staring at him.

After two or three minutes he says two words: “I call.”

By the time I've registered what's happened, the dealer has put the river card out. When I finally look at it, I'm praying it's a club. It's not. It wouldn't have helped me anyway. A few seconds later, I come to my sense and say, “I missed, jack high,” he turns over Q4 of clubs. As I'm pushing my chips, all of my chips, towards the pot, I say “good call.” Brown just nods in response to this without looking at me, as he takes the pot in. The guy next to me, is astonished and says “how did he call that?” Well, I guess, because you don't get to be player of the year for nothing.

I reach into my pocket and put the other $5k on the table...

Up $1420

I was planning to play again tonight, but I played for 5 hours yesterday and I just felt myself hit the wall. And I've won three in a row, and so I think I'll reward myself by taking take today and tomorrow to do nothing productive, drink some beers, hang out by the pool, and wander around LA a bit.

The game was easy, no huge hands for me. I sit and watch these two maniacs suck out on people the whole game. Here's a good one. Maniac calls $200 with AQ, flop = XXX, better puts maniac all in for like $1500, maniac calls. turn = X, river = Q. Better had JJ. Hands like that the whole night, so I just sit with a helmet on, and do nothing. Unfortunately I get no hands. The dude directly to my right employs the same strategy, but he gets a set of 7's and doubles through the Maniac, and then pocket Kings, and busts him, when he can't lay down T8 pre flop, nor on the T high flop. I leave shortly after this hand, as I'm tired and he was the only reason I was pushing myself to stay.

So, the whole discipline thing I wrote about worked out very well, and no drink, no bad food, exercise a lot, write a lot. Through it I found such a high degree of patientce and the ability to actualy follow my game plan, instead of being overcome with the desire to gamble that I often feel. In my last 5 games, I'm up $11k. Which I'm feeling is more of a relief than anything. Anyway, see y'all on Thursday.

Up $2670

I spend the first five hours completely even. I get up $500 or so, then make a bluff, and a couple reasonable calls that don't work out and find myself down $300. Win a couple little pots, get up. Lose a few more, go down, etc etc. I get involved in no big pots, I make no big decisions, I get a couple big pairs, raise, and everyone folds. But I find myself very very patient, and very very observant of the whole table. 7 of the 9 players are either very tight or have a little bit of skill, I can bluff them, but I'm not going to win any real money from them. I'm at the table for two players: seat 8, this middle aged dude who's a calling station with a seemingly infinite supply of money, and seat 7 is a younger very aggressive kid. I watch seat 8 suck-out on a couple hands and not bet the river when his middle or bottom pair have turned into trips, and then blow all that money making some of the worst calls I can imagine. He's completely unbluffable, and because of this I avoid playing any pots with him without a hand. Unfortunately, in the four hours it takes him to blow $6k or so, and decide he's had enough, I haven't managed to find a hand I want to play against him.

But, the Aggressive Kid is still there, and he has managed to hit a few huge hands, and has gone from like $1k on the table, to somewhere around $4k. He's not a completely bad player, but he has a nice exploitable flaw of being way too aggressive, combined with generally making over-bets. He's the exact type of player that I'm very used to playing back home. I let him bluff me out of a few pots, I play pretty passively against him for a few hours. I'll bet AK, pre flop, and when I don't hit, I'll just check and fold. I know that any bet that I put out on the flop is going to get re-raised, and I also know that if I allow him to run me over for a bunch of little pots, it will pay off well if I ever manage to make a hand.

I'm even, but I'm a little bored, and want some more firepower, so I put the whole $2500 I have with me on the table, so I have a little less than that at the start of this hand, which is 67 diamonds on the button, me and 3 others call a $100 raise from Aggressive Kid. Flop = 49X, two clubs. Checks around to aggressive kid, who surprisingly checks as well. Turn = 5 of not clubs. He bets $200, I call quickly, and I'm kind of surprised when everyone else folds. The river = 3 of not clubs, giving me the pretty well disguised nuts. He bets $400. I think and think and think, and take a nice long hesitation here. I finally raise $700 more. He goes into the tank for awhile, he asks “can you beat a set?” I say “do you really have a set?” I'm pretty sure he maybe has A9 or something retarded, I've seen him making so many calls like that the whole night, and I'm pretty confident that his hand is somewhere around there. The fact that I've been calling or checking up to this point has him confused as well, as he starts muttering to himself about how it feels like I missed a flush draw. Finally he sees the straight. “Do you have 67?” I say nothing, I do my best to give him no help at all. “67, really? Ok, show me 67.” He throws his money in, I turn the cards over, take the pot. Yay. I think maybe I could have gone all in here. I think maybe he would have called, I don't know though, I have no idea what he had. Anyway, this was a nice big pot from him, and I now have a little profit, and I have this dude on a nice tilt.

On the very next time it's my button, I know that I have his number, and I call his $80 raise with J8 of spades. Flop = 875, one spade. He bets $200, I call. I turn = 6 of spades. Not the best card for me, but, it brings the spade draw, and I'm somewhat sure I have the best hand now, or if not, I have a ton of outs. Before he does anything I decide that if he bets, I'm going to go all in. He bets $600, and as soon as the bet is out of his mouth, I insta-all-in. Which I guess I should have actually counted out and maybe thought about, because it's like a raise of $2200 (on top of his $600). A big overbet, but to take the $1k pot, it's not horrible. He goes on and on about how he flopped two pair. He says “You haven't bluffed me all night, but I think you're bluffing me now.” I say nothing, look up at him, pulse pounding in my neck, I say nothing, but just look at the pot, and him in my periphery. He's still in the tank a minute later, when he asks “do you want me to call?” I shrug and say “do what you gotta do man.” Which I think is about the best response I could give him. He's counting his money out, and I've already started praying for another spade, or an 8 (or maybe even a J would have been live), but he folds.

I'm up about $3k at this point, and I don't win another hand in the next half hour. I let him bluff me out a couple times. I make a horrible fold with 99 vs two other dudes who obviously just had a big ace. It's late, and after those two hands above, I just don't have the energy to fight with people on mediocre hands. I order some food, and when it arrives, I stop playing, eat, and go home.

Up $2980

Get there around 4 or so. The place is packed. It's always a great game there, but I think because of the big WPT thing at the Bicycle, it's even more insane. People seem to just finish their tournament there, and come here instead of playing at the Bike. There is a huge 50/100 game featuring Daniel Alehi, and maybe three 20/40 games as well. Anyway, sitting on the must move, I manage to win like $200 or so. Just a few little pots, playing pretty tight, kind of biding my time until the main game.

I wind up sitting with the dude who'd busted me with a set of 9's from my second session on this trip. He's a shorter fat middle aged dude, knows just about everyone there. He always sits down with at least $7k, looks around the table, and if anyone has him covered, he pulls another $5k brick out of his pocket. He stakes a few players in the room, said something the other day about how he's “not good enough to play in the big game, so I invest money with people who are.” Something like that. I think he puts money into this dude that I hate, for completely irrational reasons (he was the first hand during my AC disaster). I kind of hate The Staker for no rational reason either. This is the third table I've played with him, and each time he kind of stares at me when I'm in a hand. He's not a bad player, he has some problems with over betting, but besides this he has no hugely exploitable flaw that I've found, and for the most part he seems to be playing quality hands and I mostly stay away from him. Until this hand.. I'm in for $1500, and am up maybe $500 or so (so $2k in front of me). I limp with A4 of clubs. Flop = AXX one club. I'm first to act, and I bet $200, Staker nd another call. Turn = 6c. Runner runner draw! Wheee.. Staker raises to $1k (I think, it was some amount that was just slightly too big and dumb). Other dude thinks a second and folds. I know I'm folding, but I sit and think and think, and look up at him, and think, and think some more. I just want to make him either sweat that I'm going to call, or to be pissed that he bet too much when I fold. And I do fold. Anyway, my bet on the turn was horrible, because there was no way that I'd get both dudes to fold the hand, and if I'd just let one of them bet (preferably Staker, because that would put me in better position), and see if I could get the right money in the pot for me to call to river a club or 4. Anyway, whatever, bad bet, and now I'm down like $200 or so.

So, I lose a bit more after that hand above, nothing special, all reasonable calls, with little pairs, suited connectors, etc, but nothing hits, and I'm down $500 or so, with $1k or so on the table left. I get KQ. I limp in somewhat early position. Button, a young aggressive kid raises to $120. This Indian, who was a complete calling-station for absurd amounts, calls. I've been watching this kid raise most of his buttons in a limped pot, so I decide to pop him, I make it $400 total, to which he quickly folds. Indian thinks and thinks, and calls! Wow.. ok. Flop = AXX. Indian checks, and I insta-all in for maybe $600. Indian thinks and thinks, I lean back and drink the coffee behind me, which maybe I shouldn't have done, as I think people construe this as a tell for being weak, and so he calls. Turn = X, river = Q. I say “good call, ace is good.” He says “I don't have an Ace.” !!!!! So, I turn over the KQ and take the pot. As I'm stacking my chips I notice Staker is staring at me, and I look at him and shrug, to which he says something stupid that I can't quite remember.

When I'm moved to the main game a few hands later I have a little profit. The game is odd, it changes very quickly from being very tight and passive, to being very loose and passive. There are no real aggressive players at the table when I sit down. A few come in throughout the night, but for the most part this is a table of calling stations. It's a weird flaw, and one I seldom see in NY, people not raising with much of anything, but completely unable to fold anything remotely resembling a hand for anything upto $100 preflop. Anyway, this bearded dude from San Fran, who I was on the must move with, seems to be a pretty good player. He's been winning, and this is his first time at the Commerce, and he is in awe of how many games are playing, and is talking about taking a shot at the bigger games. Until.... he gets KJ which winds up being the nuts (broadway) on the turn. He makes a healthy bet at a dude, who thinks and thinks, and calls. The river is the third club, San Fran checks, dude goes all in for maybe $2k. SF insta calls, and is shown AK of clubs. And he goes on a very obvious, whiney tilt for the next half hour. “It'll take me 30 pots to win that back.” Any time the winner is in a hand he asks “Ace King of clubs?” He just can't let it go. He wins a few hands, by absurd over bets, and he's obviously frustrated and unable to fold anything. In a few previous sessions, I've actually said things to players when they were tilting, cracking jokes, talking to them about whatever, generally making them feel better. And while I actually like the dude, I think of these situations, and stupid it was of me to stopped the tilted players from throwing their money at the table. So, here, I say nothing, and just let his frustration grow into self-destruction. And I reap the benefits this time. I get 22, flop = 2J9. He bets, I raise, he calls. Turn = 7, and I'm wondering if he could have T8, his check, combined with knitted brow, leads me to know that he has either AJ or J9, I bet again. He calls. On the blanked river, I bet $600, to which he says “did you flop a set.” I say “Do I need one?” Which is just about perfect, he just needed a little bit of encouragement to make the call, and that did it. He calls and I say “yeah, I have a set.” He says he had J9, but didn't show.

Yay, nice hand now I'm up maybe $1500 or so. I start to feel good, but after raising to $100 with KQ and getting no less than four callers, I don't play too many hands after that. I pick up a nice pot though I get called down with aces up.

But, I'm finding I have a somewhat scary image, and whenever I raise, and then raise the flop, people are pretty reluctant to continue the hands with me. I exploit it the most on this hand, I think though. I have AQ diamonds. I call an $80 raise from the only active dude who's sitting on my right. Three others call. Flop = K3X, 2 diamonds. He bets, I'm the only caller. Turn = K. Check, I ask “how much do you have” he counts out $400 in bills and some change, I check. River = 3. Check. I pause for a little, and grab 5 $100 chips and throw them out. He thinks and thinks, and I'm pretty sure that we'd be chopping the pot if he calls, but who knows maybe he had 88 or something. He folds, and I win.

Near the end of my session, restaurateur sits down. His first hand he makes these insane call with A2 of hearts, into a pretty tight dude's AK (flop =AKX), and rivers a runner runner flush. He's very active and kind of spastic. On his 2nd hand, I limp in with KJ. He's the small blind, he's thinking, he's thinking. It's only fucking $10 more. I say “it's on you man.” He says that he knows, and he puts out the $10. Flop = JXX. Checks to me. I bet $100. He stares me down, weird sunburned long face, making these weird eyebrow movements, and calls, BB folds. Turn = X, check check. River = X. He bets $220. I'm just looking at him, looking at me, looking at him. And I think back to that 99 hand in my last session, what a pussy I was, and I'm pretty sure I have him, so I call. “If you're calling, I can't win.” Yay!

I quit after six hours. Which I'm starting to wonder if that should be my time limit rather than eight. I started to get a bit of headache, and so I knew it was time to go, and I did.

Ok, it's almost 7:00. I got up late this morning, which got me to the gym late, which got me to the cafe late, which got me to write this late. Hmm, I might be out until 2 tonight, kind of throws my schedule off a bit, but yeah, this is about the best time to be playing.

More tomorrow.

down $1650

Lost last session. Sunday after the mega win. I think I played pretty good, but, I keep going up and back about that. I had AA and QQ cracked early on. Although I was able to get out of both hands with only $400 - $800 damage each.

I fought back to even about midway through the session. I had AA vs this wacky asian lady who cracked my QQ earlier. I raised to $100 pre flop, she called. Flop = 432. She goes all in. I think for a little while. She's been complaining for the past hour about how she's down, how poker sucks, etc etc. She's pretty easy to read at this point, just by her talking and talking, I know that she's not feeling so good about her hand, and I know she doesn't have a set. So, I call, she has 55, she misses her set or straight, and I win a nice pot. And have like $100 profit, after being down like $1900 at one point

About an hour after this, these two insane dudes come to the table. One is wearing a "Tapout" (mma) shirt, the other seems to be his friend. Tapout, is insane, trying to bluff everyone off every hand. His friend is a bit calmer, but still pretty insane too. The rest of the table and me all sit around with helmets on, just hoping to get into hands with the live ones. I stupidly try to bluff on 22 once, and get re-raised out of the pot. Stupid. I get 99 eventually. I call the friend's raise. He'd just bluffed big at the hand right before this one, and lost a huge pot because of a dude calling him down with like a pair of T's on a TAK XX board. He'd missed his flush. Anyway, I call. Flop is like 7 high. I check, he bets $150. He turns to eat his food. I think this is suspicious, I make it $400. He looks at me, asks how much I have left, and puts me all in. Hmmm... I fold after thinking for awhile. I am feeling shitty about this now. I'm pretty sure I had him, and even if I didn't have him, this is a call I need to make. I had a good read on him, and the circumstance was pretty right, and I just pussied out for $800 bucks. He had AK at best, I think.

Anyway, I would have played past my 8 hours if Tapout had stayed at the table, but he busts out soon after. Throwing away like $1500 on a pair of Q's (top pair) vs a pretty tight dude's made straight. It was somewhat amusing.

Ok, I'm off to play now. I wrote a lot in the novel the begining of the week, sat in this coffee shop today and worked on that "on losing" essay the whole day, worked out this morning, slept well, ate well, etc etc etc. I'm feeling nervous, but, the brain is going to feel about as good as it's going to feel, and being nervous isn't the worst thing for me. I think, I hope.

l8r,
XXXXX

On losing, part 2

I went there with $16k, in three neatly rubber banded wads of 50 hundred dollar bills. At this point the safe in our room has four of these wads in it, and a couple thousand dollar chips, that I carry around and do tricks with. I'm counting out the credit cards I'm going to pay. I'm thinking about the stocks I'm going to buy. I'm deciding if I want a scooter or a real motorcycle. The next day, I get to the table, a bit hungover, a bit tired. I play poorly, get down a few thousand but eventually get a hold of myself and fight back to a $65 tie. My friend is at the final table for a satellite to the $10k main event, and so I leave the game to watch him get through a field of 300 to come in 4^th, he wins $1k, but not a seat. We have a nice steak dinner, drink some wine. I am unstoppable! Even when I play bad, I'm still better than everyone! We are both winning! We are awesome! We are in good moods.
On losing, Part 1

The the amount of to sleep I can get after a game is in pretty direct reverse correlation to the swings I've endured. This is why it's smart of me to take time off between games. But, in AC, especially in the winter, there's not much else to do but gamble. So, I get up the next day, tired, but I still manage a long hard workout, sit in the hot tub for awhile after, take a shower and then go and play. The adrenaline from the workout covered up the fatigue I was feeling, and when I sat down to play the adrenaline of the game covered it up even more.

I start playing decently enough, and am somewhere around even five or six hours in. And then, suddenly the fatigue catches up to me. It was as though I'd completely forgotten what I was doing for a few minutes... I overplay TT, AQ flopping an A, and another hand I can't quite remember. I don't remember the exact hands, I do remember the changes in the pros' faces. Their expressions and body language changed from a kind of timid wondering what I was going to do in previous hands, to a confidence knowing that they had me beat. Six months later, I'm not sure if this is a confabulation, but, either way, I had no instincts, I had no idea where I was at, I had no idea where anyone was at.

When I wake up, I notice I've lost the entire $5k I'd put on the table. I find a deep self-loathing, and tilt. I couldn't process that I'd done anything wrong, I just had the feeling I suspect my friend always has. That all the shit luck in all the world was crashing on my head. But, I found the same self destructive thing I in my brain that I imagine is similar in his. It feels like the numbness and rush of cocaine, and like cocaine it whispers “more, more, more.”

So, I get up from the table, go up to the safe in the room, and take out another $5k band. My traveling companion called sometime during this and I go and meet him for a $250 single table tournament. I'm in rare form, and just kind of pissed and willing to throw away that buyin, as I can't be bothered to fold anything. But, the funny thing about tournament poker is that the donkeys win quite a bit of the time, and I wind up knocing out like the first four dudes on some insane hands, and I roll to an easy first place $1k victory. I get no less than two dudes to curse at me, and my friend to give me the finger as I bust him, I forget the hand, I probably put him all in and hit some retarded gut shot.

Of course this win covers up any notion that the losing was my own fault, and that I needed to take a break. The numb feeling, and the idea that my money would come back to me if I kept going was there. It's somewhat late and my friend goes up to sleep, and I should be tired, but I have no desire to sleep, I only feel the desire for more more more. So I go back to the 10/25 game. They don't have a seat, and so I sit down at the 5/10 game. I lose $2300 in about an hour when I can't fold QQ vs someone's AA, and then I take a nice suckout with my TT vs K8. The act of reaching into my pocket for a rebuy in this game finally breaks my spirit, and I'm depressed enough to quit, down $7150 on the day.

It's way late now, and I can't sleep. After laying in bed for a few minutes I go to the hotel lounge and putz around on the internet. I still have like $15k left in cash in the safe. And I can't believe that after playing perfectly for so many months, that things are now going so wrong now, and how can I make things right? I need to make things right! I will make things right.

I'm only down like $1k on the trip at this point. I'm not sure why the thought of coming home with a loss chapped my ass so badly. If I were home, I would have taken a break, checked myself into the “poker hospital” for at least a week and not played until I didn't feel so bad. But, yeah, like I said, nothing else to do there. When I eventually lie down, I doze in and out for a couple hours at a time, instead of ruminating about my stupidity, my brain fixated on the monomaniacal thought of how I'm going to make it right.

When thinking about this sequence of events, it is this night I think of most. I think of how I could have taken the car we rented and driven a few hours to visit my parents, relax, and in a day or two come back to play the tournaments we'd gone down to play in the first place. But, no, I didn't do that at all...

up $5860

Hi, just finished playing. Just a quick post to say that I killed it tonight. Played great, and ran great. I think writing did the trick, I worked on that last post for like 6 straight hours before playing, and felt and played great.

Anyway, after this I'm five whole US dollars in the black. I'm feeling great. Here's my monster, $7k chip stack as I was cashing out...

On losing, part 1

The man who taught me how to play poker asked me for a loan once because couldn't pay his rent. I knew the rules and I'd played a little before, but I say that I learned to play from him, because in his apartment, at his $0.25-$3 spread bet home game, I learned about “outs,” and “pot odds.” He would eventually start dealing in and playing in some of the local card rooms, which by his invite is how I wound up getting my start playing Hold 'Em for real money. But, despite dealing cards for a living, reading tons of books, and being pretty good mathematically, he has never been a winning player. I think the fundamental problem with his game is that he's a bit of a whiner. I used to get sob stories about why he'd lost on a particular evening until I responded harshly: “Dear XXXX, Here is my secret formula for poker success. 1. Stop whining. 2. Play better. Love, Grandpa.”

Most players, most people, feel sorry for themselves when faced with adversity. Rather than really sitting down and figuring out why they lose, they find a kind of contentment in finding excuses that allow them to make the same mistakes they've always made. Specifically excuses for allowing themselves to tilt. He wrote in his own blog once about how there's no writing about losing poker. He's an aspiring writer (I think, I don't really know), and there is a certain inherent poetry in the loser. And, yeah, when losing I'll compare myself to Dostoevsky, and work long and hard on the absurdly long novel that I can't seem to finish. But he is right about the pro card player's attitude toward losing, in reading other player's blogs, their winning sessions are often hardcore play by plays of how awesome they are, while their losing sessions are “played bad. Was on tilt. Too depressing to write about.” And I'm guilty of this too. It's about hardest thing in the world to sit down and really look at your own shortcomings.

So here goes...
The story of my January through February disaster starts sometime in September. After a losing August, I decided that if I played good every session, if I never tilted, I could make a decent living. It took me a few months to get to this point, but eventually I started to do it. And, during an incredible streak from October 30, to Jan 2 I had an 83% win rate, with a little over $21k of profit. I was playing great. I had enough money that I could gamble without fear when I knew I had the best hand. I could shrug off any cold deck. I achieved a feeling of calmness that afforded me the serenity to know that despite any bad luck, the money would come to me eventually, simply because I playing better than everyone at any table I was at. And I was amazing... in tight games I played aggressive and loose, in loose games I played patient and tight. I had near perfect reads on everyone. I found a way to profit from any table I was at. No one could set me off my game plan, and nothing could make me tilt. I achieved this from an intense discipline that I found in the rest of my life. All the guidelines I mentioned in the last post I followed pretty exactly.

So, at the beginning of Jan, I got the notion that my shit didn't stink, and I got into an insanely aggressive $10/$25 game. No cap on the buy in, very rich and very bad players throwing around thousands, by far the loosest and biggest game I've played in. And in my first three sessions, I won $3k, $5k, and a two hour $10,600 win that got me kicked out of the game. This brought my total since October 30 to a little over $40k (FORTY THOUSAND US DOLLARS).

The WPT was happening the next week. Now, with the notion that my shit smelled like roses, I went with a friend to the Borgata. We get there that night pretty tired from the trip, and so I decide to just play a few hours. Within the first hour or two, I wind up hitting a straight flush, and win about $6k. We leave soon after, go out to a strip club, drink a lot, celebrate in a general merriment. I tell a stripper giving me a lap dance to come and meet me at the casino the next day, that “I'll be easy to find. I'll be the guy at the poker table with all the money!” She found this charming, but never showed.

I went there with $16k, in three neatly rubber banded wads of 50 hundred dollar bills. At this point the safe in our room has four of these wads in it, and a couple thousand dollar chips, that I carry around and do tricks with. I'm counting out the credit cards I'm going to pay. I'm thinking about the stocks I'm going to buy. I'm deciding if I want a scooter or a real motorcycle.

The next day, I get to the table, a bit hungover, a bit tired. I play poorly, get down a few thousand but eventually get a hold of myself and fight back to a $65 tie. My friend is at the final table for a satellite to the $10k main event, and so I leave the game to watch him get through a field of 300 to come in 4^th, he wins $1k, but not a seat. We have a nice steak dinner, drink some wine. I am unstoppable! Even when I play bad, I'm still better than everyone! We are both winning! We are awesome! We are in good moods.

down the rabbit hole

Hi kids. So, in the past two disastrous months since my last update, I'm down a little more than $11k. It has not been pretty. I am an idiot for not posting here. I am keeping my spreadsheet up to date, but I am not really looking at the sessions, not really thinking about what I'm doing wrong in any long analytical fashion. I am in LA now, and I am somewhat terrified at how low my levels of accessible money has become. I have this apartment booked until November, and I have no idea what I'm going to do if I can't turn things around.

I have no one to blame but myself. I have endured a few untimely bad beats, but, I have reacted to them rather poorly. They've stuck with me, not let me sleep, causing me to tilt for weeks sometimes. I brush them off in conversation, but I don't really come to terms with them. And then at the table, I will play amazing for the first part of the session, eventually count my stack, and then start drifting off to what I have in the bankroll, to what I have in the bank, to the level of money that I would have if that fucking card hadn't come. And, invariably, instead of playing 100%, I'm just trying my damnedest to get the money back, and make things right. And invariably, that is when I play dumb, and lose.

And yeah, I'm an idiot, I think for not writing in here. When I use this space, it stops the bad thoughts from perpetuating and taking root, it allows me to keep a perspective on the situation, look at it from all angels, compartmentalize it, figure it out, learn from it (or rationalize that there's nothing to be learned), and go back to playing well. Also, I've been getting a few comments from completely unexpected people asking when I'm going to go back to writing this thing, and I'm finding that having people, even if it's only ten, who have this loaded up in their news reader, and are psyched to see a new post, is really something nice. So, yeah, thanks.

Anyway, I have been breaking my cardinal rules that have kept me profitable for so long. I feel I should reiterate them here.

• 8 hours, 8 hours, 8 fucking hours. When you play more, you play bad. And if you play more than 10, you can't play the next day.

  • I need to put the dudes I see playing great for two days with no break out of my mind. It's simply not something my brain can do. I am not Phil Ivey, Gus Hansen, or David Benyamin, I need to come to terms with this, or it's going to destroy me.

• Exercise, eat well, sleep

  • I've been to the gym like twice in the past three weeks. Eating fat and sugar. Having unrestful and anxious dreams. Here's a good one... I am playing at the Commerce, and I keep forgetting what my hole cards are, and I turn them over, expecting to take the pot, and they're completely different cards.

• Write, and write and write more.

  • I get somewhat depressed from playing poker for extended periods. It's a strange heavy feeling, and when I sit down to write, even this blog, and especially the various other artistic things I'm working on, it really relaxes me and gives me this kind of deep calmness that is so good for poker, and for my brain in general. I'd like to consider myself a writer first, and when I don't write, I really feel like an asshole.

• Be honest with yourself at the table.

  • Something Greenstein's said in his book, about when you play bad, get up from the table, and ask yourself if you can play good. Sit down, and then if you don't play good, leave. It's so hard though, because I rationalize when I'm at the table... I know I'm doing stupid shit, but I put it into my head that I'm just going to stop bluffing, or that I'm going to do this or that. But, then I never stop bluffing. I just react a lot of the time to things, and before I've thought things through, I've done it.... I perceive someone to be weak, and I make a bet at them, I think I'm ahead with a marginal hand and I call. When I'm playing well, is when things are on, this is usually in the first 8 hours of play, and then after that I am completely off, I can't perceive anything, I don't have the energy to bluff back at someone, intelligently, without just throwing all my chips into the pot from frustration.

Ok, sorry to be a bit mopey. I'm feeling a bit mopey.

down $4365, Bad month

Well, June was my first losing month since Feb. I think I played pretty good, a number of bad coolers, and a little bit of tilt of put me down. I also didn't play all that much, as 1. it's summer so games are very slow in town 2. I've just subletted an apartment and car in LA for a few months and wanted to take it easy before I go and play 15-20 days a month. And 3. the poker scene in my town has really been getting its ass kicked by thieves and the cops busting places.

Sorry about lacking the writing discipline I was talking about from the last post. I promise to actually return to the level of blogging you're used to whilst in LA. I need to do it, as to keep my brain in good working order. The risks I'm taking on this trip is too huge for me not to. I'll either come back set for a good while, or completely broke. I don't see too many other outcomes from this trip.

Keep your fingers crossed. My flight leaves on July 30.

l8r,
XXXXX

here are my numbers from June:
-$4,365 Profit
-$335.77 av profit
$120.00 Median
St Dev $1,739.46
5 wins
6 losses
2 ties (results between +$200 or -$200 in a 5/5 game, +-$300 in a 5/10 game, etc)


Not too horrible. It hurts, but it's not the worst thing that could happen to me.

Up $7805 5/5 – 5/21 Part 8 - 5/18 thru 5/21 – I'm a slacker

Hi kids. Sorry for getting behind in the updates of this thing. I think I need to get more disciplined with taking notes on my sessions right after I'm finished with them. Not only can I write these entries out easier, it helps me to digest what happened a lot quicker. It's just way tough.. when I win, I want to party. When I lose I want to watch tv and mope. Neither is a good mood for writing. I think though when I go on trips it'd be a lot better to do this, as it would force me to stay on target, as drinking isn't quite conducive to playing well, for days in a row.

Anywho, let's summarize the last three games that I was planning to write in this series.

5/18 down $2665
Back in NY, Yamakazie game. Giggly Banker busts me twice. First when he flops a set of 4's, and I have KQ, making a pair of Q's. Next when I raise with AK, and he re-raises me all in with... Q3. Nice job donkey.

5/19 Up $485
Porn place. 2/5 Small game, no one wants to play here anymore it seems. Kind of a bummer, the new by the dude who kicked me out of his big game looks like it's taking all the action. I bust some kid trying to bluff me when I had a K high flush on a 3 suited board. Short, small, no mistakes.

5/20 Up $745
Porn place again. The 5/10 game they were supposed to have at 7:30 doesn't start until like 10. I play the whole night, down mostly. I get it all back and then some when my bottom two pair hold against the donkey/owner of the place who saw fit to put it all in on the turn with and up and down straight.

5/21 Up $2590
Yamakazie... I play literally 7 hands in about 6 hours, and am up about $3k. It's so stupid, the whole table is chiding me about playing so tight. So what do they do? Of course! They call me with any marginal hands whenever I make a raise. So, I bust a dude for a ton of money with a set of Aces, and a few other small pots. I go to a $300 tournament after that for some reason I thought would be a good idea to play in after playing for 8 hours.

Anyway, more discipline from here out, I promise. I've mnaged to get my ass beat down for like $4800 since this. Mostly bad beats, AA and KK getting cracked like once a session does not make for profits. Soon, more, yes, stay tuned.